Life is not a race to the finish line

The ever evolving, “Where are you going with your blog? or “What do you want to do with your blog question?”…Guess what! I still don’t know……….lol.
Everytime, I think I have an answer it evolves. For each question I answer, I come up with 20 more, which sends me back to the drawing board.
A couple of weeks ago I CRASHED HARD, literally to the point of tears. After all the tears were dried up, and I walked away for a couple days I let the things that I have learned sink in. I wasn’t crying about the blog. I was crying because I let myself get overwhelmed with trying to do too many things, both on the internet and with my friends and family.

Welcome to my Blender of a Brain

I had this fantastic idea to start a blog.  I’m pretty good at finding the positive in even the worst situation, maybe I can help other people do the same.  Or maybe I can write about the “taboo” topics of MS, the shit no one wants to share with “normal people”.  Yes that would help because then people will know that they aren’t alone!  I was also toying with a new (to me) thought…. Do you ever realize how all the commercials on TV are from drug companies?  (Some of those side effects seem worse than the symptoms you are experiencing)  Pretty scary!  Then the conspiracy theorist in me comes out…. “What if its actually the drugs that are making you sick, or keeping you sick?”  Let’s test this out.  But where to begin?!?!  Yes that ONE question turned into 20 more also.  Ah ha!  That’s what I will write about.  My true life journey of getting healthier…..heh.  DUMB ASS!!! ( me not you)

I wish I could tell you that I had this great epiphany that I should slow down, but I didn’t.  My body told me.  The tears were a warning sign that I was getting overwhelmed.  The not sleeping at night was another.  But the knock me flat on my ass cold, flu, sickness thing that hit me was the real WAKE UP CALL. ( I am the most fidgety,  can’t sit still, am hardly ever home person you might know.)  The fact that I didn’t get out of bed for two days or leave my house for a week was my body protecting itself and saying….

What I really need to do is slow the hell down.  While it’s good to have goals, it is NOT good to flip your whole life upside down overnight to accomplish them.  My ultimate goal in life is to be better a better ME than I was before.  I am always telling people to slow down and just take a deep breath. So why don’t I listen to myself?!?!

I am also ALWAYS saying, “Focus on the positive”.  So here goes.  I’ve learned a lot over the last couple months.  I’ve met some great people, and made some new friends.  I stepped out of my comfort zone several times, and somehow even managed to lose weight.  I accomplished the monthly goals I made for myself each month, and now I am just focusing on getting through the next day.  One day at a time!

To all of you reading this, this isn’t goodbye.  (I paid for a whole year of wordpress :P)  and I still have lots to learn.  I just needed to “unload” and wanted to say Thank you for spending your time with me.