Maybe I should start wearing pants?

It probably won’t happen, but MAYBE… I should?

As I was getting ready to leave for my doctors appointment last week, I slid a pair of sweats on, and both of my dogs went to the door looking at me expectantly….“Where we going mom??!?!”  Note I did say SWEATS,  as in sweat pants, NOT my shoes, or coat.  The simple act of putting on my pants told my dogs that  I was leaving the house?!?!?!?

If you are a dog owner you have probably experienced this before when putting on your coat, or shoes, or whatever your “routine” is as you get ready to leave the house.  Admittedly though, I think for most people it is putting on your footwear.  This morning mine did it when they saw my pants in my hand??????

Ok time for a test.  The next day I put my tennis shoes on to walk on the treadmill, and received absolutely NO REACTION from the dogs.  Normally shoes would symbolize that you are getting ready to leave, but literally  NO RESPONSE!!!!!

(probably because I wasn’t wearing pants)

Later that afternoon, I remembered that I needed to take the garbage cans to the curb.  I grabbed my sweats, and again BOTH DOGS ran to the front door…..smh  Seriously?!?!?  I literally laughed out loud. 

How do your dogs react when they think you are leaving the house?

MORE Tests….

Do they only do that when I put on sweat pants?  Would they react the same with Jeans or Leggings? Are they doing that because I chose to come out to the living room to put my pants on instead of my bedroom?

After a week of changing variables, I have concluded that when my dogs see me with pants on they think we are going somewhere.  ANY KIND OF PANTS!!! My “poor dogs”.

So now what? Stop taking them with me everywhere so they don’t think they get to leave the house when mom puts clothes on?  Do I have to start wearing pants all the time? Or do I just laugh it off and be happy that I am as important to them as they are to me?

The bond animals have with their humans is incredible.  I found another picture this morning of all 5 of my animals, (2 dogs and 3 cats) refusing to leave my bed after I had back surgery a few years ago.  Thing 2 literally had to drag them out of my room to feed them and take them outside to relieve themselves.

D.O.G. Waiting to be lifted into the car….not at all spoiled

I should probably mention at some point why I don’t wear pants.  Its simple really, I don’t like clothes, BUT ESPECIALLY pants.  The only reasons I wear clothing have to do with warmth and to portray some illusion of modesty.  (Ok I also don’t looking at my belly, which in my opinion makes me look several months pregnant)  Remember, no core muscles?!?  However, I am going to blame MS for this one.  While some areas of my body have lost “feeling”, ( like drop a 500 lb weight on my foot and I wouldn’t flinch), others have become SUPER OVER sensitive.  My left leg is an example of this.  When my pants move against my leg, it feels like bugs are crawling all over it…. EWWWW!  Very creepy!  Not to mention uncomfortable.

The second reason I blame MS, is bladder and bowel urgency.  I have rushed to the bathroom too many times to count and “not made it” just because of my inability to remove my bottoms quickly enough, so you see it’s easier to just not wear any, at least that’s what I will keep telling myself until the next embarrassing or “questionable” thing happens …. like my kids bringing friends home unannounced and yelling, “Mom?!?!?  ARE YOU WEARING CLOTHES?!?!?”…. smh.

I am sure my dogs will survive just as my kids did, but in the meantime I chuckle.  I hope you did too!

 

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NOT your “Typical Blogger” Award

In my opinion, the Liebster Award and Mystery blogger and whatever name you want to call it awards are about promoting your friends or other bloggers that you follow.

Nominating someone for the award not only let’s them know that you appreciate their work,  but it helps them to grow their following. To those of you that have nominated me for the awards… THANK YOU!!! I really do appreciate it….. BUT…..

I don’t follow or play by the rules well so instead…..

I have decided to share some of my favorite blogs with you and you can decide for yourself if you want to follow.  The blogs that I have chosen to list are the ones that make me laugh the most.  I have purposefully NOT included the blogs I follow about MS, or other chronic illnesses, because today is just NOT an MS day for me.

If you have time, check them out.  Links to their blogs are in blue.  If you like their blog leave them a comment and let them know Grace sent you?

AND TO MY CHILDREN (because I know you secretly read my blog) check out the ones I have told you about 😛

Up first is HANDS DOWN my all time Favorite blog.  I love her sense of humor, her bluntness, and and and…. I will caution you though… Do not drink anything while reading her blog, I have had to replace my keyboard from the coffee spillage.  If you do check out DGGYST...don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Up next is The Incurable Dreamer.  She writes from the heart and is another that you can not drink anything while reading.  I haven’t known her as long as DG, but I have not read on post that I didn’t love.  My Favorite is the sticky side always goes down.

Next on the list is Superman.  I “met” him a little over a month ago, because he commented: “You have a shepherd. I love all dogs but GS’s are my favorite. Anyone with a GS is worth following. Great post”  My first thought was WTF?!?!  I responded saying “so you like me for my dog?…that’s a first :P…Thank you for following 🙂”  Since that time, I think I have read every post he has ever written.  ( ok and maybe I went back and read more…shhhh)  He writes everything.  I can’t put a label on it, but again, I assure you, his blog is worth a look!!!!  I can’t decide on a favorite, so I just picked one or two What If, installment 1.

And FINALLY….. Bloggingwithbojana.  I have to throw in another coffee warning here though, this time it is to drink ALOT of it before you read her posts.  (Not because they will put you to sleep, but because she really makes you think)  She is very articulate, and for those of us not so articulate DEEP!….I ponder her posts for days…..

Well there you have it, my recommendations for the “Grace loves these guys blogs”.

Thank you for stopping by.  If you have a favorite blog, or one that you think I might like, drop the link below, or send me a message please!!!  If you think someone might like mine, pimp me up!!! 😛

 

 

 

 

Am I strong?

Lately, I have had several people tell me how strong I am.  I laugh and I quickly deny it thinking…… “If they only knew.”

I am not strong..but.. I am resourceful. 😉

I have an ARMY of POSITIVE people (ok some VERY strong) in my life that push me to get back up when getting out of bed is a struggle.  I don’t mean butterflies and rainbows positive, I mean the ones that will literally drag me out of bed, and tell me to put my big girl panties on.  People that REMIND me of the things I have survived, and that they NEED ME too.

I joke all the time that if not for bad luck I wouldn’t have any luck at all…..But I am lucky.

I have incredible parents, friends, and family that are always there to kick my ass back into reality when I need it.  They won’t LET me feel sorry for myself.  They remind me that although I have made 10,000,000 mistakes, I have learned something good from each of them. They remind me that there is always someone else that has it “harder” than me.

Not only do my friends listen to and support me, by offering an ear or a shoulder, some days lots of kleenex, and the occasional “ass kicking”, but they share THEIR imperfections and learning experiences with me, and I LISTEN!!!!  Not as in taking advice listening, (I am bad at that), but I LISTEN and HEAR that EVERYONE has struggles, EVERYONE, has done things they aren’t proud of, has made mistakes, and taken some hits.

I gain something from EVERYONE I come into contact with, even if its a lesson in how I do not want to do things.

If you are struggling with depression, anxiety etc.  may I suggest that you consider “cleaning out your closet” and removing the things or people that don’t make you feel or push you to be stronger?

Let me again state that by positive people, I don’t mean all smiles all the time.  Here are some “strange examples”…

Me: I need to lose weight

Positive influence:  What are you gonna do about it?

Me: Um….. good point, it does start with me…

or another

Me:  I hate being broke!!!!

Positive influence:  Have you quit smoking yet?

Me:….grrrrrr, Ok Ok

So by positive, I mean the ones that call to say…..”Have you walked on the treadmill yet today?”….. The ones that genuinely care and celebrate your victories as their own!

But Back to my original question…… “Am I strong?”.… no, NOT even a little…. but I do have great “resources”.

 

 

Is it possible to “go off the grid”?

Let me start by saying that I am not a political person.  This is not a post about civil rights etc.  I am however A THINKER (referred to as OVER thinker by most).  This morning’s overthinking began when I signed into youtube.com to hear I song that was on my mind.  I have to give you a few more details before I get to the point, because I don’t want to cause you to overthink my reason for listening to the song.

Many of you know, but for those of you that don’t, the last couple weeks have been a bit stressful for me.  The most obvious stressor  being Sarah’s death, and because of that other things have been carrying more weight on my shoulders than they should.

1. Einstein has not fixed his car yet, so he has been relying on me, to either get up at the butt crack of dawn and take him to work, and then go again in the afternoon and pick him up OR surrender my car for him to use.  Most days I have given up the car.  This starts the “butterfly effect” or chain reaction.  I have to move all of my doctor appointments to the following week, do all of my shopping online etc etc.  So next week will be busy as hell.
2. My damn coffee maker broke AGAIN….. If you know anything about me, this needs no further explanation.
3. and so on and so on…. basically my whole “routine is down the drain”

To “get through” the week, I have held on to the fact that today would be a “just chill” day.  When the alarm went off at 5:00 am, I smiled when I shut it off and tossed the phone.  I went back to sleep.  I won’t call it “Restful” though, because when I am dreaming I work out a lot of things that have been stressing me out.  Either way, when I did FINALLY get out of bed at 8:00 this morning, my ” precoffee” thoughts were….UGH, some days “I hate people”…..smh

As I walked into the kitchen to turn on the coffee maker, I remembered a song I used to listen to.  You guessed it… “I hate people”, by Theory of a Deadman.  I opened up Youtube, typed the song in search and hit play.  I hit the button on the coffee maker, and let the dogs out.  When I came back into the room the song had finished playing and I had missed it, so I typed it in again. But then I had to leave the room to pee.  When I came back the song had finished again.

Is the Third Time a charm?

THIS TIME, I grabbed my coffee, sat in front of the computer and typed it in again… “I hate my life”….As I took my first sip of coffee and youtube reloaded. This is what I saw….

and the COFFEE WENT EVERYWHERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously?!?!?!?  I type “I hate my life” and INSTANTLY I am spammed with suicide prevention ads?!??!…..Start sending me coffee maker ads or how to receive your coffee in an iv form!!!!  I instantly ” look around” (searching for a hidden camera)  Seriously?!?!? I guess I said that before, but one more time…SERIOUSLY?!?!?!?

Enough of this spying on people Big brother shit!!!! 

THAT is what I am writing about now

Does the U.S. Constitution give you the right to privacy?

The answer is NO!…. funny for some reason I thought it did.  OH shit, more overthinking…..and lots of reading and googling etc…..smh

I have given in to the whole tradeoff thing…. Convenience vs. Privacy to save money on gas when I signed up for a “discount” card at the super market.

I also use google maps quite frequently to navigate.  I have only just recently, by accident learned that google tracks ALL of your activity.  Google knows where your cell phone is at any given time day or night.  WTF?!?!  and the sad thing is I am sure I surrendered my right to privacy when I agreed to let them “help me with directions”….smh

The biggest battle I am having right now is with Einstein’s purchase of Alexa.  I was in the kitchen the other day and mentioned maybe trying a new recipe for Meatloaf.  (Alexa is NOT allowed in my kitchen).  When I went back into the adjacent room a few hours later to “check” facebook, my news feed was loaded with recipes for Meatloaf.  Enough already!!!!!!

When you buy a smart tv, if you don’t UNCLICK the button to turn off voice activation, you are allowing them to record 24/7..

I know that I probably sound like a paranoid freak, and that no one really wants to know that much about what I do, but I personally think I need to rethink the whole convenience vs privacy thing. I am going to spend more time researching “how to live off the grid”  Is there such a thing as privacy?

In the meantime, while I am still using the internet…let me throw you a bone big brother…  I would like to be the first to know

1. When coffee comes in IV form and how to get it?
2. Where Coors Light is on sale?  Because I am going to start drinking.
3. Is privacy even real?

On that note, does anyone have any thoughts to share, want to have a debate with me?  Maybe even a beer….I’m “buying”.

What are your thoughts?

 

MS Cog Fog, Slump Week, and Grieving

Have you ever had a night out drinking and then next morning “replayed” the events from the previous evening in your head? You try to fit the pieces and events together but you know you are missing parts…Everything is a little blurry…. I am doing that now, but not because I was drinking…. I wasn’t.  No xanax, or other mind numbing medications.  But the “blur” is there.

I don’t know which one is to blame, or if its a combination of all three, but I can tell you it was rough, and maybe a little dangerous.  That was yesterday, I’m hoping that I am better prepared for it today.  I have identified the problem, now I want to ‘laugh’ at it and try to prepare for today a little better. (plan for the worst, hope for the best?)

My new coffee makers ( yes two of them) arrived yesterday, and as I sit here drinking my 3rd espresso, I would like to review yesterdays events.  YAH COFFEE!!!! but more about that later.

I remember being woken up at 5 am to take Einstein to work.  I know that I walked on the treadmill at some point.  I remember thinking no workout today because my arms and abs still hurt from the abuse I had given them the day before.  (I think I only ‘remember’ that because they still hurt today….doh!)  I also know that I was on wordpress and facebook a bit, because the notifications and time stamps tell me that I was.  (I honestly don’t remember though)  Did I mention I wasn’t drinking?!?!?
I went to Aldi’s yesterday to buy eggs.  Only eggs.  This I do remember because I had a long discussion with myself that I didn’t need to use a cart for balance, I was only getting one thing and I COULD do this!… I make it to the back of the store, grabbed two dozen eggs, cradled them in my arm like a baby, and made my way to the checkout where I just stood.  I never put the eggs on the belt.  I stood there having the meaningless conversation with the cashier, “Hi, how are you?” etc.  The problem is I stood there for 5 mins, just holding the eggs.  “Oh Shit, I should probably give these to you huh?” I asked.  He smiled and said, “Nope I got you, $2.12.”  I remember that too.  I remember the price of the eggs, but I don’t remember driving home, putting them away etc.

At One O’clock this heavy cloud/weight settled on me.  I felt like I was going to pass out.  Not because I couldn’t breathe panic attack style.  I just couldn’t….. anything.  Well that sucks… I needed to pick Einstein up from work in a couple hours.  MORE COFFEE!!!! Fold the laundry? Somehow you must stay vertical!!!!  Yeah that didn’t happen.  I passed out, sitting up folding laundry.  I woke up 2 hours later to the sound of the 4th call from Einstein….”Did you forget me?!?!?”

OMG!!!!  YES I did!, I mean NO!…oh shit…. Sorry, I fell asleep…… I’m coming!!! I went to the bathroom, tripped over the coffee table, put my shoes on and ran out the door.  ARGH… I don’t take naps, I am NEVER late, in fact, if I am not 15 minutes early people begin to worry……smh

While I didn’t HURT myself or anyone else yesterday, I wasn’t there.  (Although, I did almost hit Einstein with my car for the 3rd time in his life.)  Yes I did just say that I hit him with my car 2 times, once WAS intentional the other I claim is his fault.  ( If you remind me, I will tell you about it in a couple weeks, it’s not a horror story, and it’s something we all laugh about, NOW)

So TODAY, I am prepared for the worst.  Einstein took my car to work, so I don’t have to leave the house until visitation tonight.  My only plan is enjoy my new coffee maker, and just be.  I am giving myself the gift of no expectations until this evening.  When all I have to do is show up.  My girls are going to the funeral home with me.  My parents are meeting us for dinner afterwards, and then I am coming home.  No lists today!

Tomorrow, or next week, or even a week after that ( Yah Tysabri on the First) I will make another to do list, but for now, for today…. I will just be…..

While I am here though, I want to thank everyone for letting me share my pain and memory with you the other day.  Thank you for your presence, support, and kind words!!!!