Did you really just say masturbate?

This morning Einstein sent me a text saying, “Seriously, you told your FATHER, I took your joy……” .  and the COFFEE went EVERYWHERE!!!! On my desk, keyboard, down my shirt, literally everywhere.  Let me explain…..

First of all, Einstein does NOT text very often at all.  When he does, it is usually to remind me of something he is sure I will forget to do, or something of that nature.  But he NEVER EVER texts when he is working, because he is that focused on work while he is on the clock.  (I may get the occasional “morning break text” asking me to bring up lunch at 11:30, but again NOT EVER while he is on his company’s dime)  So the text that came in at 7:30 today was completely unexpected.  More unexpected though was the topic and why was he thinking about THAT at THAT time. For those of you that are not familiar with “Joy” let me refer you to my earlier post…..Trying to find “Joy”.


When I wrote about “Joy”, I thought I was pretty obvious in sharing that I might have possibly considered using “Joy” to masturbate, without actually SAYING it.  Some people got the joke, others didn’t, but there it is.  “Joy” is hands down the best female masturbation tool ever invented!!!!!! Cough cough…. and yes I did tell my Father that Einstein disconnected it when it broke and wouldn’t let me fix it.  I said, “Dad, I have this thing that I use for this and I call it Joy.  Einstein won’t fix it for me, and I’m not sure if I should try glue, or a stainless steel screw or…..what…any ideas?”  My father said, “hit Einstein up against the head with it before you try to fix it, but then try both things you mentioned.”  Ok cool Thanks Dad!!!! and that was it.  It wasn’t strange to be honest with my dad.  Why should it be?  The man has seen me stumble and fall so many times.  He knows that I am human and that I have to learn everything the hard way, but apparently this is not something you should talk to your parents about?!?!?!  Now that you have the back story, let me go back to COFFEE EVERYWHERE….

Once I composed myself, and cleaned up the coffee, I responded, “Of Course I did!  Don’t think about him as my FATHER…. I told him as my FRIEND.”…..Einstein has yet to respond…..lol  However, his comment made me realize that it had been almost a week since I called my Dad and “yelled at him” for making me be this awkward, outspoken, headstrong, loving, UNIQUE, opinionated person that I am today, so I called him.  It was a good chat.

I really love my parents!  I have spent most of the day brainstorming a post about how awesome my parents are, but as usual I got distracted.  In an effort to be even 1/4 of the kind of parent to my daughter that my parents are to me, I have spent the day 3-d printing “gears” for my daughter’s wedding centerpieces, and learning how to design “games” using CANVA for her bridal shower next week.  (I really want to share what I came up with, but I’m still trying to learn what is ok to share with the world without violating other’s privacy.)  And I suppose I should not link a post about my parents, my kid’s wedding, and masturbation all in one….whoops

I hope everyone had an enjoyable weekend!  I will work on getting the bridal shower/wedding posts approval, and a tribute to my ‘horrible parents’ this week.  To all of you on the East coast, I hope you are not struggling too much from the blizzard.  I am planning a trip to Boston in April, do you think they will have it all cleaned up by then? 😛




28 thoughts on “Did you really just say masturbate?

  1. I spend the holidays with the inlaws, who are quite conservative. My vibrator somehow got the message that it was party time while still in my suitcase. My brother in law, being a stupid gentleman was carrrying it in for me.” “Toothbrush” he asked ” Not really” I said.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This was a great post to read for thing this morning while I was at work!! Certainly brought a smile to my face!
    I hope by April things are a little warmer in Boston but I grew up in the north and remember the snow stayed around a while! But I doubt it will be as cold as it is now!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. TY Alyssa! Smiles are good! I have never been to the east coast, and the last time I relied on public transportation was a little bit in my 20’s ( pre ms) and I wasn’t very good at it….I’m sure it will be an adventure 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. While I am thinking about it, if you really want to laugh…check out DGGYST’s blog. I don’t know how to describe it, she puts her own spin on everything, but it makes me laugh EVERYTIME. Just don’t drink anything while reading. The first time, spit coffee out everywhere when i started laughing

        Liked by 1 person

      2. not stupid…we are all learning right? I think the easiest way is to scroll up in the comments and click her name in the comment she posted here. You can see her sense of humor in her comment too…. otherwise its Damn Girl get your shit together….if none of that works, i will send you a link on fb

        Liked by 1 person

  3. I am not sure I did it right so you actually were able to see it, but I nominated you for an award, It is the Mystery Blogger’s Award. If you did not get it I will figure out how to attached it so you see it again. Please just let me know. It is on my post from today!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I did not want anyone to feel any pressure but just to let people know how much they mean to me! But, seriously you do not have to do anything with it. Just always know I appreciate you and love your posts!!

        Liked by 1 person

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