We must have a bad connection

It’s so easy to tell people “don’t over do it”, “take it easy”, “slow down”, or “don’t worry”.  I know it’s easy to say, because I tell people those things all the time too.

My brain tells my mouth to say it, and words come out.  For some reason though, my ears do not pass the message on to my brain.  (or something like that)  Something is definitely NOT working, the dots are not connecting….. smh

“Don’t over do it”, translates to

• your pain is manageable today, you better get that done while you can
• you don’t know WHEN you are going to feel this way again, so do it NOW!!!
• fucking MS  smh
• but you are SO close to being finished, just do one more?!?!?

“Take it Easy” translates to

• It’s ONLY laundry, how hard could this be?
• I will only make ONE phone call (never mind that you are going to spend an hour on the phone waiting for a live person)
• or getting “pissed off” because NOTHING FEELS easy….grrrr

“Slow Down”, starts the process of

• but there is so much to do
• never enough time
• but RIGHT NOW I feel OK

PART of it is MS, part of it is my personality.  I HAVE to make the MOST of each day!  I HAVE to feel like I am contributing SOMETHING to the world, instead of being a burden!  Some days though, I’m just bored or “stuck in a rut”  I feel that pushing myself and pushing my limits will make me FEEL more alive.

I take the GPS estimated time of arrival as a time trial challenge.

So for those of you that also struggle with this “disconnect”, how do you manage this?  How do you “slow down” and not overdo it?  How do you try to “save” your energy for later?

I have heard (and said) that I should Prioritize and focus on One thing at a time.  Ok, here goes, my main goal is to be able to Walk down the aisle at my daughter’s wedding next weekend.  My eye is on the prize so to speak.  I have set up my week with one thing each day and tried to space the “working days” in between the “recovery days”.

Monday

I have my Tysabri infusion at 9 am.  Because I know that I will be “wiped out” for the rest of the day, my mom is coming out to drive me and take me home afterwards.  That’s it!  That’s my whole day.

Tuesday

I am installing 5 electrical outlets in my house.  Since most of my furniture is just kind of piled in the center of the rooms, now is the time to do it.  While I have pulled wires, and connected outlets for years, I do still need help.  My dad is available to help me before his surgery, which has been rescheduled for March 20th, so now is the time.  Unfortunately, this will involve some more climbing in my attic.  Definitely a Working day.

Wednesday

I am getting my nails done for my daughter’s wedding.  I haven’t done this in years, but if memory serves we correctly, it is a somewhat “lengthy process”, meaning forced RELAXATION time.  If I am able to “lose the boot” as planned, maybe even a pedicure?

Thursday

One Doctor’s appointment with my chiropractor to try to adjust any “damage” I might have caused my body over the week.  I have to pack for the out of town trip and that’s it.

Friday

Out of town for the wedding!!!!!

So there it is.  I have prioritized.  I have planned minimally, allowing myself several rest breaks, and I have “my eye on the prize”  Wish me luck?