We must have a bad connection

It’s so easy to tell people “don’t over do it”, “take it easy”, “slow down”, or “don’t worry”.  I know it’s easy to say, because I tell people those things all the time too.

My brain tells my mouth to say it, and words come out.  For some reason though, my ears do not pass the message on to my brain.  (or something like that)  Something is definitely NOT working, the dots are not connecting….. smh

“Don’t over do it”, translates to

• your pain is manageable today, you better get that done while you can
• you don’t know WHEN you are going to feel this way again, so do it NOW!!!
• fucking MS  smh
• but you are SO close to being finished, just do one more?!?!?

“Take it Easy” translates to

• It’s ONLY laundry, how hard could this be?
• I will only make ONE phone call (never mind that you are going to spend an hour on the phone waiting for a live person)
• or getting “pissed off” because NOTHING FEELS easy….grrrr

“Slow Down”, starts the process of

• but there is so much to do
• never enough time
• but RIGHT NOW I feel OK

PART of it is MS, part of it is my personality.  I HAVE to make the MOST of each day!  I HAVE to feel like I am contributing SOMETHING to the world, instead of being a burden!  Some days though, I’m just bored or “stuck in a rut”  I feel that pushing myself and pushing my limits will make me FEEL more alive.

I take the GPS estimated time of arrival as a time trial challenge.

So for those of you that also struggle with this “disconnect”, how do you manage this?  How do you “slow down” and not overdo it?  How do you try to “save” your energy for later?

I have heard (and said) that I should Prioritize and focus on One thing at a time.  Ok, here goes, my main goal is to be able to Walk down the aisle at my daughter’s wedding next weekend.  My eye is on the prize so to speak.  I have set up my week with one thing each day and tried to space the “working days” in between the “recovery days”.

Monday

I have my Tysabri infusion at 9 am.  Because I know that I will be “wiped out” for the rest of the day, my mom is coming out to drive me and take me home afterwards.  That’s it!  That’s my whole day.

Tuesday

I am installing 5 electrical outlets in my house.  Since most of my furniture is just kind of piled in the center of the rooms, now is the time to do it.  While I have pulled wires, and connected outlets for years, I do still need help.  My dad is available to help me before his surgery, which has been rescheduled for March 20th, so now is the time.  Unfortunately, this will involve some more climbing in my attic.  Definitely a Working day.

Wednesday

I am getting my nails done for my daughter’s wedding.  I haven’t done this in years, but if memory serves we correctly, it is a somewhat “lengthy process”, meaning forced RELAXATION time.  If I am able to “lose the boot” as planned, maybe even a pedicure?

Thursday

One Doctor’s appointment with my chiropractor to try to adjust any “damage” I might have caused my body over the week.  I have to pack for the out of town trip and that’s it.

Friday

Out of town for the wedding!!!!!

So there it is.  I have prioritized.  I have planned minimally, allowing myself several rest breaks, and I have “my eye on the prize”  Wish me luck?

 

 

 

Will I ever learn?

Will I ever learn patience or to slow down?

Nope, probably not.  (Hey don’t shoot me, I’m being honest here)  My whole life I have struggled with patience, and I have always been “in a hurry”.  When My MS is at it’s worst though, my body won’t allow me to be impatient or in a hurry, and when I  try to, I get hurt.

Yes I got hurt again 😦

I got hurt, but I’m not dead.  I will explain what happened in just a moment, and you can even “yell” at me if you think it will help, but first let me explain, well try to explain why I did it.

So I wrote the other day that a trailer “fell into my lap”.  I had help for a couple hours, I moved what I set out to do and that’s all I was going to do.  My dad told me that since he thought he was having surgery the trailer was free for a couple weeks, and I might as well  have the kids drop it at Einstein’s since he wouldn’t be using it.  (That way I could take a “slow and steady approach” to loading it.)  Thing 2 and her boyfriend “D” dropped the trailer off in Einstein’s driveway for me, when they were done moving the bikes.

Just because I am proud of my daughter I took a video of her backing the trailer in.  This is funny to me because “D” doesn’t “trust her” to drive HIS Truck, but knows she is better at backing up a trailer than he is….That’s MY GIRL!!!!   but I digress….

BUT THEN….

The temperature changed, not just the outside weather temperature, but the temperature in Einstein’s house wasn’t as frigid.   I will write more about that another time and in another place, ( I think a new blog is coming ) but the verbal knives weren’t flying anymore and I started “getting cold feet” about leaving, so I HAD TO GO.

Einstein had been complaining about where the trailer was parked, and had even tried to move it by hand….  I did not say out loud “THAT”S NEVER GONNA HAPPEN”….but it did inspire me to make a call….

There was help available. A young man that I had friended a year or two ago while I was taking classes, was willing to help me move.  We will call him “J”. (He said, “Hell I’ve got a truck, trailer, and plenty of friends”)  just pick a day.  That’s something that I would say, not something I am used to hearing so….ok “How about NOW?” came out of my mouth.

and that’s how it all began……

When you have help you take it!!!!  “BUT don’t you EVER take help without working your ass off just as hard as the person who is giving you help!!!!”  This one I think was literally beat into my ass as a kid, so no way is it going away anytime soon.

Einstein was NOT happy that I was having a “DATE” (as he called it ) over to help me move, so it was only “J” and no friends.  Einstein moved most of my furniture to the doorway in preparation.  (Did I mention a new blog coming soon?….when I don’t live in HIS house)

So the trailer was quickly loaded, and my car was filled, and off I went.  Almost all of my furniture that can not be strategically shoved in my car has been “deposited” in my new place.  (Of course it wasn’t until I had set up my big comfy couch that I realized there is no electricity run to the wall of the west side of the “living room”)  But that is another story for a different day.

So what did I do?

I worked my ass off!!!!….and then some….I THOUGHT I broke my foot again.  I remember the doctor saying, “this is going to hurt a bit”, as he stuck a needle in my foot.  There was quite a bit of pain.  (enough to make me vomit and then pass out)  His orders were keep it elevated and iced all day.  Back in the boot or use your wheelchair for one week…and of course take these drugs.  I give in, not up, but I give in…for now.

The “moral” of the story is I did what needed to be done and now my body says IT’S done.  I didn’t PURPOSELY over do it or rush.  It’s so hard not to “overdo it” when you ARE feeling well, considering you KNOW that the “NOT feeling well” is just around the corner.