Parenting your parents

Do you remember when you were a child and could not wait to grow up or get older? Be honest, I think everyone felt that at one point. Then almost overnight, you became an adult. I know that it doesn’t feel like that when you are going through your pre 18 years, but when you are in your 40’s looking back at the things you’ve done in your life, it sure seems like it’s gone pretty quickly. I graduated high school, had and raised children. ( I’m even a grandma now) I’ve been married …..and divorced. Bought and sold a car (or two)…hell bought and sold a house or two. I’ve traveled to far away places, jumped out of a perfectly good airplane….The list goes on and on.

I have also lost many people that I’ve cared about. I’ve held and comforted people while they were suffering, and tried to help them up after their loss.

My point is that I feel like I have done MOST of the things that adults are expected to do. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure I still have a lot to do with my time on Earth. I think my ‘confusion’ or quandary is that I never thought that one day I would be ‘parenting my parents.’

During the last couple of years, more and more frequently both of my parents have begun to rely on me. ….ALOT (Sometimes I feel like I’m being given chores AGAIN) Sometimes I think, OH My GOD you’ve got to be kidding me?!?!?! and then OTHER times ( like when I go to yet another classmate’s parents funeral ) I realize I would move heaven and earth to keep them around as long as possible.

I saw a meme or something on facebook one day that said, “when you lose your parents, you are an orphan. When you lose your spouse you are a widow. When you lose a child there is no word for it, just like there are no words to describe the pain.” I also don’t believe there is a word for the child that parents their parents. I wasn’t “in a hurry” to get to THIS part of life.

My mother has Dementia/ Alzheimer’s.

About a year ago, my father was told that he was going blind.

I am in a “new” phase of my life, that I was not prepared for.

15 thoughts on “Parenting your parents

  1. Your parents are so fortunate to have you Grace. I know it’s hard to believe, but there are a lot of older adults who can’t depend on their children to help them out at all. For now, my hubby, brother and I are all more than willing to help our parents out, but they’re so darned independent they won’t let us do much of anything for them. I’m grateful they’re able to be independent, but I really do wish they’d let us do things to make their lives easier. Hope you’re staying as well as possible sweet friend. Hugs!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. That’s certainly a lot on your plate. I’m so lucky that the most I have to do for mine is show them how to use “the Zoom” or reset their Facebook password; otherwise, they’re healthy and happy, thank goodness. Make sure you take time to care for yourself too:-)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad to hear your parents are happy and healthy! I really shouldn’t complain. My parents are great people. It would be 10x harder if they weren’t. I’m getting better at my ‘time management’ as well, I just wasnt ready, but then I guess you never are

      Liked by 1 person

  3. You touched on a subject that I haven’t seen much on the web. Your story makes me reflect on my situation where I no longer have a relationship with my parents. Both of my parents struggled with drug addiction. My father was murdered because of it. My mother actually worked hard and became clean and sober and maintained that sobriety for over 20 years. But she fell back into old habits. Growing up I always had to be the responsible one and be the parent. I took a stand a few years ago and removed myself from that toxic relationship. Though I am not in your situation, I feel deeply for you. I have witnessed situations like this with my husband’s side of the family. His Aunts and Uncles were very stressed when his Grandparents were in their elderly years. Parenting your parents is not something that you can prepare for, especially when you are parenting your own children or trying to figure out adulthood on your own. I wish you peace and wisdom during this new phase of your life. Thank you for sharing your story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think in many ways over the years I have had to parent my parents (tell your mother i said this, tell your dad i said that…DON’T tell the other this etc), certainly not to the extreme that I would imagine you had to be responsible though. Overall, I was “lucky” growing up because my parents TRIED to do the best they could which makes me want to take care of them, but it does not make it easy. I do believe that whatever doesn’t kill us, does make us stronger. The fact that you were able to make the call to remove yourself from the toxic relationship, shows you are pretty damn tough. Thank you for sharing and commenting! I wish you the best!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.