Damn Girl! Where’s your bottom?

That might just be the title for my new book! KIDDING!!!! Like I need another project in my life…smh

“Where’s your bottom?”, is however what a respected ‘friend’ said to me after I reached out to her last week. I was speechless. Not because I was offended, I don’t think, but I honestly started questioning myself. Have I hit rock bottom? What exactly is rock bottom? Is it a level you set for yourself? Does society dictate what rock bottom is?

I should probably go back and elaborate or provide more context about the original conversation. This person I reached out to is someone whose strength I admire, who’s stubbornness rivals my own, someone who has MS and is also a blogger. I reached out to her, because over the past year, I have seen bits and pieces of her life here and there on Facebook and she seemed to be doing really well, while I on the other hand…. HAVE NOT….

I have been struggling a lot. Treading water maybe? Maybe I was looking for a magic pill? I’m not sure. What I do know is that whatever the hell I have been doing has not been working. I have been sleeping 10-12 hours a day, waking up tired and wanting to go back to sleep. Once I have dragged my ass out of bed, I went through the motions of adulting, and parenting my parents, then I watched the clock waiting for it to signal that it was time to get away from it all again. In between waking and the relief of bedtime, I was just kind of “going through the motions”. I hated the sound of my phone ringing or texting…who the hell is that and what do they want from me?!?!? Not to mention the 20-40 spam likely calls that I get a day. So I was there, but not there.

I needed something to be happy about, even if it was just being happy that someone else is happy. I NEEDED to hear something positive. (I have been surrounded by toxic people and so much negativity lately that it almost killed me) So I reached out.

I loved hearing the happiness in her voice and the excitement as she told me some stories. I did need that, but then the topic shifted to me. She told me that she had seen some of what I have been going through the last year on Facebook, and thought, “Damn girl, where’s your bottom”? And I have been thinking about that phrase ever since.

Where’s your bottom?

I don’t know. I really don’t. Honestly, I don’t want to know.

There is no prize for how much shit can one person go through, although it does seem like it’s a contest I have been having with the world lately. Do you win, if you can fight another day?

The thing is, whether I have reached my bottom or not, I do know that I don’t like where I am. I guess the real question is, “What am I gonna do about it?”