My parents taught me at a very young age, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. (I may still have the handprints on my face or belt marks on my ass to prove it.) Although, I don’t necessarily agree with the methods used to teach me this, I do think that it is a very important lesson to have learned.
Lately, I haven’t had anything nice to say….so I haven’t said anything. This isn’t to say that my life is terrible, but to be honest, I don’t even like being with myself lately …..so I say nothing. I don’t like that I am getting angry over small things, and more importantly I don’t like that I don’t understand why I’m upset.
A friend said to me today, “Are you ok Grace? I’m worried about you.” My response was “No I’m not, but I will be.”. I KNOW that I will be. I don’t know when, but I will get through this slump whatever it is, just like I have 100x before.
For those of you that use music to relate or express your emotions….the song Downtime by Jo Dee Messina kind of sums up what I am feeling at the moment. If you listen to it let me know what you think. How do you handle those days when you’ve got nothing nice to say?
Grace : “While I am in Boston I am going to meet a couple of friends that live in the vicinity whom I met in the blogging world.”
Thing One: “OK, mom, don’t forget the “proof of life” pictures.”
Grace: “you got it kiddo”
Friday, April 6, 2018
Grace: Good Morning kiddo
Thing One: What’s wrong?
Grace: Nothing, just sending you proof of life, Bill will be here in a few minutes to pick me up.
Thing One: Why aren’t you smiling?
Grace: Seriously?… Because I am freezing my ass off, and besides I wouldn’t be smiling if I was kidnapped 😛
Thing One: I’m gonna need another picture
Thing One: 😀
SMH….for those of you who don’t know…SMH is Shaking my head. (I really do that A lot!)
Superman was supposed to pick me up by 10. I’m expecting a little Honda Civic to pull up…. he tells me when he’s on his way that he will be driving a truck instead…..ummmm……. itty bitty roads….
“Let me know when you’re close, I might have to meet you on the corner?”
Before I knew it, ( early even ) there he was loading mine and my companions suitcases in the truck. Bill and I were heading to Salem for the day, where we would be meeting Karyn and Steve after exploring Salem for a bit. My traveling companions were going to Pax East at the Boston Convention Center, and we would meet up again at a new airbnb apartment near Salem for the night.
Superman Really Does Exist
Before we ever decided to meet in real life, Bill and I spent hours on the phone. (not all at one time, though he did provide a big shoulder when I was struggling with Sara’s death) but we’ve talked about our illnesses, our common expression of saying, “are you really sure you want me to answer that?” when people ask for our opinions, and so on and so on. Not only is he a great writer, but a great friend.
The real reason I am not posting his picture, is because he wasn’t feeling well and hasn’t been for awhile. That’s HIS story to tell though, if you want to check it out.As I said, he is a great writer, and just an all around great guy.
After eating breakfast at a little restaurant in Salem, we wondered around to find the Salem Witch Museum (my choice, not his)
I’m not going to say much about the experience, because hearing about the amount of hatred that people endured during the witchcraft trails still gives me the chills, but I did want to share this postcard. The last room of the museum is painted with the words on the postcard….. Very thought provoking!
Of course it was snowing in New England…AGAIN
Let me tell you a little bit about the other two bloggers that I got to meet.
First of all there is Steve Markesich
Of course you can read his About ME page, but I want to tell you about the man I met. I’m not sure exactly how our path’s crossed. ( I think he was doing the “my publisher said, I need to add as many people on social media as I can for the book I am writing thing”) Either way, Steve’s is the first blog I ever started following.
I love the honesty, openness, and determination he displays when he writes about living with Primary Progressive MS. MS is a nasty monster, and while I would not wish the disease on anyone, it is good to know you have people like this with you on this scary ride. Poor Steve has also become a dear friend (didn’t know what you signed up for did you?”) Please take a moment to check out his blog MSich Chronicles. He does a great job of sharing how he overcomes the challenges that MS has laid at his door.
I had the privilege of meeting Karyn who writes Karyn’s Domain.
Karyn and my paths first crossed around the time she wrote this The best blog I ever read. She sent me a message saying that she had found my blog after reading Superman’s posts in their entirety, and looked forward to getting to know like minded people….
As many of you know lately my life has been filled with Drama, drama, drama, and I haven’t had much time for keeping up with ANY blogs, but the day after we met, I went to her website and saw this post. (Honestly at first thought from the meme, I thought she was talking about me….lol). This woman quit her job, and hiked the Appalachian trail!!! How can you NOT want to know more?!?!?! Actually , there is much more to Karyn, I encourage you to follow her on her journey as she discovers where she is headed next. I know that I will be.
I would like to tell you that our “little get together” lasted until dawn and that we all just barely escaped being arrested for a noise disturbance. But to tell you the truth…. we got together and just talked…..and it was perfect! (in hindsight, they might have brought duct tape for MY Mouth)
Thank you all for making the trip and spending your time with me. I look forward to our ongoing friendships!!!!
A few months ago, the LAST time I almost had a “mini mental breakdown” from trying to be superwoman ( GRACE, the damn costume does NOT fit) a really great friend of mine said, “Damn it Grace, will you just slow down?!?!? Focus on ONE THING, just one thing at a time!!!” “Yeah, yeah” I replied. ” I got it. (as I added 20 more things to my to do list)
We finished our conversation and she said, “I’ve got it! I am making something for you.” Ok? I didn’t really think much more about it…..
A month later, a box arrived from Florida, ( I live in Illinois)…..hmmmm Not medical supplies, (they come from Texas)…. Not my prescriptions…(THOSE came LAST week) too big of a box to be more bills ( besides that, medical collectors like to use big flashy envelopes so that all your neighbors know you are a slacker)
Duh, Florida! Bones is from Florida!!!!!!!!
She said she was sending you something…..
My mind went back to what I THOUGHT was our last conversation in which we had talked about going thrift shop shopping for an ugly “tiki like” statue.
The side story behind the “Tiki statue”.
Although I have “known” Bones for almost 3 years, we have only ever “hung out” (in person) two times. I live in Illinois, she lives in Florida. We “met” playing an online game on facebook, and it was over a year of talking on the phone, skype etc before we actually met in person. She was supposed to come stay with me for a week in Sept. of last year, even had purchased her airline ticket, but Hurricane Maria hit the day she was supposed to fly out. 😦 So the trip was cancelled.
We tried to find time in our schedules to pick another day, but with the holidays coming and my daughter’s upcoming wedding, we decided to wait and try again next year. To hold ourselves “accountable” we agreed to purchase the ugliest statue that we could find to be left at the other ones house. The only way you could get rid of the statue was to “deliver” it in person to the other one.
So back to the package…..
Why was she sending me the Tiki package? That wasn’t our plan. We were going to pick one out together….. 😦 and it was supposed to be HAND delivered or retrieved…. Hmmmm well I’m just not gonna open it! 😛
The box sat by the door for 2 hours before Einstein pestered me enough to open it.
I’m glad I was sitting on the floor when I did. Fucking tears came out of no where. When I opened the box this is what I saw…..
She had HAND MADE me my very own “One Thing” box to remind me to….. SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!!
Who knew that this woman that lives more than 1000 miles away from me, that I met playing an online game, would become one of the best friends anyone could ask for?!?!?
The box is not only a box to collect my to do lists. Bones did research on why I use the ORANGE ROSE as my blog picture. (Orange is the color for MS awareness and I printed the rose on our 3d printer, when I was feeling especially blah one day to remind myself that there is still beauty in the world) I know….. cheesy, but it works for me. She found images of butterflies, which I didn’t know also represent MS awareness.
Inside of the box she taped the picture of me skydiving that I had posted on my newly created blog’s welcome page. She included cut out One Thing “tags” with a letter explaining that how I was supposed to use this box. She said, ” This is for your LONG list of To-do’s, but…. BUTyou can ONLY place ONE task on each piece of paper.” Of course there were more “rules”, but you get the gist?
Well I’m still doing it wrong……
I THOUGHT I was doing it right, but I was writing tags like the ones on the left, when I probably should have done more like the ones on the right.
Just because the words fit in the box, does not mean they will fit into a day!!!!…smh
Plan BOSTON?!?!? Seriously what the hell was I thinking?!?!? Yep I’m gonna plan a trip with 3 other people all by myself in one day! Doh! I tried, I reached out to everyone to confirm airline selections before booking. I couldn’t reach anyone, but outgoing messages were sent. So let’s start with cleaning the house. I probably should have chosen to vacuum OR dust OR laundry instead of tackling all of the rooms and all of the chores at once....but but…the tag said ONE thing…. and I only wrote ONE THING!!! CLEAN THE HOUSE!!!!!
I did manage to make a lot of progress on the lists on the left, but didn’t actually finish anything except for cleaning the house. ALL OF THE LAUNDRY washed, dried, folded AND put away!!!! All the dishes, vacuuming, dusting, and I even washed the floors and cleaned the bathrooms. As I laid down, (passed out) on the couch, utterly exhausted, I looked at the vacuum cleaner that I had neglected to empty or put away, and started the next day’s list….
The next day…..
I laid on the couch all damn day and most of the next….I was in so much pain.
WHEN will I learn?!?!?!?
I really don’t understand why I push myself so hard. smh I’m sure it has something to do with no longer being able to work outside my house, and self worth and all that, but I KNOW I will PAY for it later, yet I keep doing it.
Several months ago, I started a blog about why I talk on the phone or use Skype instead of texting. The reason I had started to write about this subject is because I am always reaching out to new people, trying to get to know them, and my preferred method is IN PERSON. BUT, since most of the people I have reached out to live halfway around the world, or at least several states away, the likeliness of that happening at this point are slim to none, so……I ask to talk on the phone or to Skype.
To be honest, 80% of people I have asked to TALK to have turned me down for one reason or another. In the beginning that hurt a bit, but as it happened more and more I realized that apparently it’s just not what people do. Ok lesson learned. Well kind of…… I have actually learned SEVERAL things
I am NOT “most people”.
Face to face communication or at least voice to voice, ISMY preferred method of communication
Just as people have their reasons for not wanting to talk on the phone, I have my reasons for wanting to. It’s ok to disagree. That’s what makes people different.
I am completely ok with “No” as a response. You don’t need to provide me with any explanation, if you are not comfortable with it you are not. COMPLETELY FINE!!! 🙂
Before I continue though…..To anyone that I have tried to connect with that has told me no, I apologize if I made you uncomfortable, it was never my intention. My intention was to get to know you better, in the only way I know how.
The reason I am FINALLY posting this is because I recently asked someone that I admire or respect to talk on the phone with me. (Ok I suggested it numerous times.) The final response I got was, “It’s 2017, who talks on the phone anymore.” and it kind of hurt. But after I put a band- aid on my feelings, and thought about it for a few moments and realized that they were right. Most people Do NOT talk on the phone these days unless they absolutely have to, but I do! and I thought it might be a good time to “explain” why.
Now to my original topic…
Why I like talking rather than texting…. (let me count the reasons)
I rely on verbal cues and voice inflection when talking to another person. I am very perceptive at picking up anger, boredom, sadness, and joy from the sound of someone’s voice. I’m even better at reading facial cues….usually. I just don’t get that from texting. A great example…… a few weeks ago, my oldest daughter sent me a message on FB messenger asking, “So if we go to ‘fiancee’s’ family’s (out of state) for xmas this year do you want to do dinner another time?” I was seeing her a couple days later, and responded “Let’s talk about it Friday, but yeah if you want to go, GO”. She responded, “Ok”. An hour later, another message came through, “Are you mad or busy?”, she asked. GRRR fucking texting. We were using messenger and she would know that I had seen the message, if I didn’t respond she would automatically assume I was mad. So I shot back, “lol sorry kiddo buy”. I meant to say/ type, “Sorry kiddo, I’m busy”, but I had my mother’s dog on my lap and I WAS busy”. Oh great, now I mistyped something. Was she going to think I said Buy (bye) instead of busy, because I was mad instead of really just busy?!?!? SMH. I stopped what I was doing, took this picture and sent the picture with the following message…. “I’m sorry kiddo, YES I AM VERY BUSY. I am helping Nana with her laptop, Papa with his computer, and I have their new puppy on my lap. Let’s talk on your lunch or on Friday”.
When we talked later on her lunch , I was able to repeat what I had originally texted to her “Let’s talk about it Friday, but yeah if you want to go, GO” with the inflection in my voice and she got it instantly.
With just those same short words coming out of my mouth (instead of my fingers) she understood that I sincerely wanted her to be happy more than anything else. It would not bother me in the least. She knew that “I got” the fact that now that she was getting married, I would have to “share her”. I was even able to let her know that I appreciated her thinking about my “emotional well-being” ( remember my Thanksgiving was terrible)….. So misunderstanding or miscommunication is my first reason.
Another reason is because I am just not good at it. Physically not good at it. Both of my hands are numb, so I drop the phone all the time. I have had bones taken out of my both of my thumbs, and as a result they are VERY weak, so texting just sucks. I literally do not have the strength to cut my own nails. 😦
Ok so TRY talk and type, or speech to text? ROFLMAO… been there done that. To this day whenever I SAY “I LOVE YOU” to my children it is translated “I LIVE YOU”. I have many more examples, but they really should have their own blog post. When asking for help with this, my kids said, “Well mom, you have to enunciate better”. I tried that, the phone typed E9C8…..so I give up. smh
Another reason is because I spend an ENORMOUS amount of time in my car. Texting, facebooking, etc while driving is dangerous as hell (not to mention illegal, but since I have a lead foot problem we will stick with the dangerous part :P) so except for the occasional “I’m sitting at a stop light text” , texting is not something I do while driving.
I think the final reason I still talk on the phone is, that it is my way of showing respect or genuine interest it what someone has to say. ( I’m also weird in the way that I still make eye contact with people when I talk to them, although sometimes it is very hard)
So, if I ask YOU to talk on the phone or Skype, and you are not comfortable, please just say “No, I would rather not.” Ok Cool!…No judgments opinions etc. No means no, and I’m cool with that….
Yesterday, I posted a video I did as a self challenge to put myself out there and face something I was terrified of. I didn’t watch the video again until today and this morning “Pre-coffee” I made another one after I finished watching the first one.
For anyone wondering “Pre-coffee” should have a clinical definition and be categorized as some other kind of disease. ( At least for me it is) I am not a doctor, so I won’t attempt a clinical definition….. but picture this….
Or check out other pins I have collected . If you have any to share, please add them too!!…But I digress….I wanted to share some things I have learned both about myself, and about making a video, just from doing that ONE VIDEO….. Caution though…the following video was made PRE-COFFEE. (ok while having the first cup or I wouldn’t have been able to turn on my computer) But as usual I digress…