I’m not sure if everyone does this, or if it’s just me, but during the year before a Milestone Birthday, ( 21, 25, 30, 40, 50 etc) I do an “inventory” of where I am in life versus where I want to be. If I died tomorrow would I have any regrets? Do I need to say anything in particular to anyone? Are my affairs in order? What do I want to accomplish in the next 10 years? and so on and so on. I also do this everytime I get another scary diagnosis. I will be 49 in less than a month which will start the “OMG I’m gonna be 50 reflections”. This year I get to kill two birds with one stone I guess? lol
When I was 29, I received the “wonderful news” that I had cervical cancer. As the doctors were talking about chemo and radiation, I asked, “why not just take it all out?. ( do a hysterectomy) You should have seen the shock on their faces. I heard, “but you’re not married! What if you want more kids one day?” For me it was a no Brainer, I was a single parent. I kind of had to be alive to raise the two children I had. If doing a hysterectomy would allow that to happen, that was the decision. I had to go see a psychiatrist to make sure I was capable of making such a decision all by myself?!???!…. I did. Still smh about that. Yay the hysterectomy worked! No more cancer!
I think this was the first time I did the whole “inventory” thing. My biggest fear during all that time was that my kids wouldn’t KNOW me. The real me. The one who makes mistakes 2 or 3 times before learning a lesson. I started making photo album journal diaries for the kids. I made albums containing my deepest darkest secrets, and ones for each year of each of their lives.
But I digress. As I look back over the last 48 years of my life, I can honestly say that I’m not disappointed. I have made ALOT of mistakes, and have learned most lessons the hard way, but there is no doubt that I HAVE LIVED! Looking into the future, I am not even a little bit worried about girls and their families. If something were to happen to me, I believe they would both step into the role of taking care of my parents. They would even check in on Einstein for me. Can I really ask for more?
With all of that being said, I think I am ready to take the next step and make the switch to Ocrevus. The 3 disease modifying drugs that I was considering all require a certain blood tests before beginning treatment. I have had the tests completed. The next step is waiting for approval from the insurance and drug company. I won’t be “sitting” here waiting. I have a life to live, and Monday morning I’m heading out to see the grandkids to do just that!