On second thought….

About a week ago, I wrote a post called “saying goodbye“. My credit card was billed $94.00 for a word press subscription that I wasn’t using, so I figured it was a good time to cancel. After posting said post, several of the friends I have made on WP advised me that WP had free version and I would only need to pay $18.00 a year to keep my domain name msgracefulnot.com. Hmmm ok that I could do, so I took down the Saying goodbye post, cancelled the paid subscription, and here I am.

Thank you again to those of you that reached out to me!!!!!

Why I stopped using Word press

For the greater part of last year, I made the conscious choice to avoid social media as much as possible. My personal plate was full and I couldn’t deal with all the negativity, fear, and hate being passed around between people. I saw sides of people that I could not imagine they were capable of, so after writing, Say what you mean, and mean what you say, I pretty much “disappeared.”

When I created my blog, my original intention was to provide PROOF that with the right amount of determination, creativity, and humor you can survive almost anything.  I wanted to help anyone that was feeling alone or overwhelmed with their lives, to see that they were not alone.  I believe that on many occasions I did that.

  1. I have written about  being diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis. 
  2. I’ve written about choosing a disease modifying therapy.
  3. I’ve written about how insurance companies like to “play doctor”.
  4. I’ve written about my children and not winning the mother of the year award.
  5. I’ve talked about air travel with MS.
  6. I’ve talked about Train travel in a wheelchair.  and the importance of knowing your equipment and your limits.
  7. I’ve talked about being full of shit.
  8. I’ve shared some of the treatments for bladder incontinence and urge incontinence due to MS.
  9. I’ve shared some of my most painful moments.  (Mentally and physically)
  10. I’ve shared some of my happiest moments.

I mentioned earlier that I’ve had a full plate this year, but I’ve not been at all specific. There are multiple reasons for this.

In some instances, the stories I want to share, are not entirely mine to tell. For example, both of my parents are going through life changing medical issues. I can tell you how it’s been affecting me, but I’m not sure how much is TOO much to share. I’m still working on this.

Another reason for the vagueness is because the “jury is still out” about many of my health issues. While I can share what I have been experiencing, and why I’ve been doing what I have been doing, I still don’t know if my decisions were the right ones to make, so I don’t want to lead anyone astray if they are dealing with anything similar. I will work on this as well.

In the meantime, I would like to reintroduce myself, and invite you back into my world. If you are joining me for the first time, my About Me page, is a good place to start. (I wrote it a year ago, but I believe most things still apply.)

When I thought I was leaving wordpress, I was trying to think of a way to “go out with a bang.” I began creating a “contest” to attempt to draw everyone in, one more time. It has occurred to me, that I can use the same contest to “Come in with a bang”, or “get back in the saddle if you will.” Giving away prizes, opens the door to discussing some of the positive things that I have been doing over the last year as well.

On Wednesday, September 2nd at 9 am Central Time, I will post a list of questions about myself, or things I have written about in this blog. I do believe that most of the questions can be answered by reading the posts that I have linked above. (if not THESE posts specifically, the answers will still be available within my website) The prizes will go to the first two people that post the most correct answers to my questions in the post “How graceful are you?” in the comments section of that post no earlier than Monday September 7th @ 9 am central time and no later than 3 pm Central time of the same day.

I hope you will all participate. See you soon!

Italy or Bust..or in my case BUST then…

Remember this old thing?  Well calling it old wouldn’t really be true, considering it is brand new………..

Confused yet?

Let me TRY to explain…

Do you remember, back in September of last year, I had a plate and screws put in my right foot? I was in a cam boot for a long time afterwards, and have only been walking in very hard soled shoes for the last few months.  A couple of weeks ago, while I was at my oldest daughter’s house watching the grandbabies, I took off my shoes while playing with the boys in their room.    Here’s where it gets confusing…..

I’m not sure exactly what I did or how exactly I did it.  I was holding Joey, and attempted to squat down on the floor with him.  I subsequently lost my balance, and in an effort to not drop him I did something very painful to my foot.  I don’t know what I did exactly, I just knew that it hurt like hell and I couldn’t stand on it let alone walk.

A trip to the immediate care and subsequent trip to the surgeon’s office revealed that I broke the lag screw from my surgery, and another bone in my foot.

I have no words.  Seriously who does this?  I have spent the last few weeks feeling embarrassed and in shock.

I am back in a boot for the next 3-5 weeks, and then the plan is to try to ease back into hard shoes.  If the pain is too great or the bone hasn’t healed around the broken screw, I will have to have another surgery.  😦

So there is the Busted (broken part)…what do I mean about Italy?

Earlier this year, Einstein’s dad gave us several buddy passes for his employers airline.  If you aren’t familiar with buddy passes, in short you are able to fly standby on the airline for next to nothing.  (taxes)  Anywhere.

I have a good friend who was born and raised in Italy, but has lived in the states for many years.  Her family still owns a home in the city she grew up in…..AND….they are going to be there for the month of May……………hmmmmmm

I have been to Italy 2x in the past, but it has been almost 20 years, and I was there as a tourist.  I have always wanted to experience activities of daily living in Italy, but never had the time, or the money.  I have the time, and the flight cost me $50.00 roundtrip, so I booked the tickets.

I am not nearly as prepared as I would like to have been,  ( I speak very little Italian and I have a broken foot.)  but I think I would regret not seizing the opportunity.  Who knows, the afternoon siesta’s may be just what I need.

I am supposed to fly out on Monday.  Wish me luck?

When One Door Closes…

I should probably call this Happy New Year, or Best wishes in 2019 or something creative like that, but instead I am going to go with…When One Door Closes, another one opens. I am closing the door on 2018, and looking forward to a NEW YEAR!

I’m not real big on new year’s resolutions, but I am looking forward to some changes that will be happening in 2019.

I will be watching my grandson’s when my daughter goes back to work in March. While I know that twin infants will be a lot of work, I am happy that not only do I feel strong enough to do it, I know that they will be safe with me. (A future post about the most horrific daycare experience ever will be coming)

The next new change is that Thing 2 and her boyfriend will be moving out in the next few months (the plan is for them to purchase their first house) While I love both my kids tremendously I don’t want to live with either of them, and the fact that Thing 2 and I are so much alike makes some of our “battles” pretty brutal. Purchasing a house at 21 years old is pretty damn impressive, so I am very proud. When they move out, I will be living alone for the first time in my life, and while it is a bit intimidating to me, I believe the pros will outweigh the cons, and I don’t want to move back in with Einstein.

Speaking of Einstein, things have been much better on that front.  I think I wrote about that last month, and I don’t need to rock the boat, so I will leave it there.

Other exciting news is that I have finally been released from Physical Therapy and can walk for a bit of a distance without any pain, as long as I am wearing very hard soled shoes…. ( I also have a shoe story for another time)  I will have to dust off that step counter I bought this summer and work back up to a mile at a time, but I’m optimistic so there is that.

As far as blog writing, I am kind of on the fence about that.  While I always have 100’s of stories, and I love interacting with everyone,  I still have no “one subject ” focus.  Ok that’s not true, I do have a new focus on becoming healthier, but I am by no means an expert on that subject. In fact, I feel like a complete idiot when it comes to healthy eating. Do I want to blog about that?  ( I have several stories about smoke alarms etc also)

I think the real reason, I started writing tonight, is not only because I have been drinking, but because holidays make me nostalgic and I am missing my blogging friends.  While 2018 brought a lot of loss and pain to me, it also brought my two grandson’s into the world. I’m gonna close here, and wish you all a Happy New Year.  I will be back soon, in some capacity.  For now, may I introduce you to my grandchildren….49052667_271236043510333_7619168873824124928_n

Danny (on the left) and Joey (on the right)

The boys were born at 31 weeks, and will still be in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) for a bit.  They are now one month old (or 35 weeks which I can explain more later) and they continue to get stronger every day.

Happy New Year to Everyone!  Good luck with your resolutions (if you make them), and I will see you next year!

I’m in a Hurry (and don’t know why)

I was talking with a friend the other day, and commented that I didn’t know how I had “made it” to 45.  She responded saying, “no shit, I don’t know how YOU did it either”.  (note she didn’t say WE, she said ME) That’s kind of sad don’t you think?  I mean, I have never fought in a war, saved someone from a burning building, or performed any other heroic act.  Yet, for most of my life I have lived in a constant state of fight or flight.  I have always raced to the next bullet point.  There was always something else that NEEDED to be done.

Have you ever heard the song, I’m in a Hurry by Alabama?  I swear they wrote it for me.

I’m tired.  I really am tired.

The thing is, I’m not done.  Far from it.  But I am learning that if I continue at the speed I have been going my whole life, I am going to burn out….quickly.

I have pretty much lived my life by this quote,

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”

Hunter S. Thompson,

While I do still believe this, maybe I don’t have to be in such a hurry to get there?

Being pretty immobile for the last month, while waiting for my foot to heal, has been a blessing in disguise. As I said before, Patience has never been my strong suit, but for my foot to heal successfully I needed to practice some.  I have spent my “downtime” looking for OTHER ways I could heal and become stronger as well.

On the physical side I am going to start with physical therapy.  That’s it.  No big get out there and  walk a mile a day again.  Baby steps.

I have also been reading and researching various diet or lifestyle changes.  Although I do hope to lose weight, my goal is more to reduce the inflammation in my body to see if I can reduce the number of medications I take.

On the Mental Side, not only did I reread all my posts from this last year but, I also took the time to relive the excitement of my daughter’s wedding.  I allowed myself time to dream about all the things I want to do with my future grandchildren.  Most importantly, though I finally allowed myself to grieve all of the tragedies of last year.  This isn’t to say I am done grieving, more that I have slowed down enough to let myself feel the pain, I had been running from.

It’s kind of cool that even though I thought recovery time from surgery was going to be unbearable and a bunch of lost time I would have to make up for, instead it forced me to pace myself, and I was still very productive.

I’m a work in progress! 🙂

S L O W L Y

but getting stronger every day!

 

 

 

So….. not what I was expecting…..

A parade?  For me?  How Exciting!!!!

But not even a little bit true.

Let’s start at the beginning…..

😦 no the beginning would take to long

where to start?   where to start?

Ah, just go with the flow…. let’s start with the picture I have posted.  Apparently, it is homecoming weekend for our school district.  I had no idea. As I watched the band, and trucks pulling floats assemble outside my house yesterday, my mind traveled to a different time. In some ways this makes me feel incredibly old, because I have been there and done that.  I participated in Homecoming events, not only when I was in High School myself, but also as each of my daughter’s were.  Wow that feels like I lifetime or two ago!

At the same time, I’m not done with Homecoming.  In as short as 15 years or so, I will have Grandchildren that might be participating in Homecoming.  I will be telling the story…..” when I was your age we had to walk 10 miles through the snow, Uphill to get to school…etc.”  ( Ok that’s MY grandma’s story, but you get the point)

I wonder how different the world will be even in just the few years.

Yesterday, while sitting in the waiting room for my 3 week post op visit, (more about that soon) my mind started to drift to a post that I read earlier this week, by Bojana at Blogging with Bojana.  In her post she talks about spending time with her young son at the playground.  She writes…

Another good thing I’ve noticed spending plenty of time in the sandpit with toddles is the presence and acceptance of all the colors of the rainbow, that is an utter and complete absence of racism and xenophobia in their world. While there’s possessiveness and envy of another kid’s bigger and shinier toy, there’s no discrimination based on ethnicity, nationality, religion, appearance or disability. The society has yet to teach them hatred and prejudice, giving rise to inequality and aggression.

20180927_145626As I thought more about her post, which you can read in its entirety here. I thought that I had the condition for the beginnings of Utopia right in front of me.  I may be misusing the word, but here is the definition I am trying to describe…

u·to·pi·a
yo͞oˈtōpēə/
noun
noun: Utopia; plural noun: Utopias; noun: utopia; plural noun: utopias
  1. an imagined place or state of things in which everything is perfect. The word was first used in the book Utopia (1516) by Sir Thomas More.

Even though we are all sitting in a Doctor’s office, and there is still pain and suffering, as individuals, no one was adding to someone else’s discomfort.  Young, old, black, white, blonde, brunette, bald, overweight, underweight….we were all there coexisting.  Peacefully.

That is the kind of world I hope to see my grandchildren raised in.

In the beginning of the post, I said I didn’t know where to start, so I just started typing/rambling.  I actually intended to tell you about my post op visit, but as I “reviewed” yesterdays events in my mind, my foot became very insignificant. I am not going to say anymore about Homecoming, memories, hope for the future etc or even my foot notes…..  I made a funny ( at least in this post)

Instead I want to ask you for your feedback.  Don’t you think the world would be a better place if instead of drawing lines that separate us from one another, we focused more on the common goal of helping everyone “make it”? all making it