Teaching my phone to swear

Those of you that have ever talked to me on the phone, in person, gotten a text message from me etc, know that I have a “potty mouth”..  Not only do I frequently talk about “potty” and my bag of pee, but I just can’t seem to utter more than a few sentences without a cuss word or two popping out.  Popping, not pooping, although I do talk about pooping or not being able to alot also.

Last month, or the month before, I had to do a warranty trade on my smartphone, which in my opinion is Not very smart, although some would claim operator error. 😦

I have always struggled with the talk and type technology, because I speak quickly and do not enunciate.  This was proven when I asked my kids to “fix the damn phone” and they politely explained that I don’t enunciate when I speak.  To prove them wrong, I turned on the talk and type and said “ENUNCIATE”, the phone responded by typing E9C8!

SMDH AGAIN!

So now I have this ‘New’ smartphone AND I am cutting down on the number of cigarettes I smoke each day, in effort to quit on August 15, 2018, so needless to say I have been swearing a bit more lately.

After talking out a message that contained some “cuss words”, I forgot to turn off the talk and type feature on my phone before I said,

“It’s not duck, the word is fuck.  I really don’t understand your objection to ass, and on that note what the hell is wrong with shit or even hell?  It’s not like I used all the words in one sentence”

My phone typed….

” It’s not duck, the word is duck.  I really don’t understand your objection to ASK, and on that note what the he’ll is wrong with fit or even ****?

Immediately after reading that I said, “Bastard”, which for the record translated into “Last Turd”.

So I have decided to teach my phone to swear.  I have been correcting THEN saving each of the words that it misspells or ***** out.  So far I have added

piece of shit

fuck

shit

damn

hell

I cant say the C word, but it would probably come out as CANT anyway.

This morning I said, “I am coffeeing” which I know is technically not a word (its a way of life).  The phone typed doddering…which I left because I probably was.

Can you think of anything that I am missing?  When the day comes that I am finally ready to tell that ONE person that got on my last nerve off, I want to be prepared.

 

7 day B&W Photo Challenge Day 0 (my rules)

I was tagged a few days ago to participate in the black and white photo challenge by Kim author of I Tripped Over a Stone.  If you haven’t “met” Kim or visited her website, please do.  Kim’s blog is primarily geared toward living with Fibromyalgia, but it’s not only informative about her disease, she offers great advice and support for so many people no matter what they have on their plate.  I definitely consider myself blessed to be able to call her my friend.

When Kim tagged me a few days ago, I only saw the words “post a black and white picture for the next 7 days”….. OK, I can do that.  I took black and white photography in college, I will just upload some old images…..never did it occur to me that I could just use my phone and edit on the computer.  (technologically challenged much?)

So the rules…..

You know there are always rules to everything in life! The rules for this are straightforward. Seven days. Seven black and white photos of your life. No people. No explanation. Challenge someone new each day.

Tomorrow, I will follow the rules, but first I would like to share some of the pictures I took 20 years ago….just because I dug them out 😛  I don’t remember what the assignment was…. I think something about shadows?

If I tag you this week, please don’t feel like you have to join the challenge.  After rereading the rules… I really do like the part about  Seven black and white photos of YOUR LIFE. 

I’m curious to see the world through your lens!!!!!

STOP PUSHING ME!!!!

When I first started writing this, I was going to call it “Big Brother get the hell out of my mouth”, but then I worried that people would be offended thinking that I was making a joke about incest.  This is NOT a post about incest, nor do I think incest is a joking matter!  It is however the post in which I finally show my ass, because I am tired of having technology SHOVED down my throat.

I should probably start at the beginning.

It’s time for my six month check up at the dentist.  (well it was time 2 months ago, but technology has made something as simple as getting my teeth cleaned a fricking nightmare)

For the past several years, I have seen the same dentist, same office, same staff, same same same.  Great!  This year though, two weeks before my appointment, the office staff called to say, they no longer accept my insurance, would I like to pay out of pocket or pick a new dentist?…..Seriously?!?!?  Did you just decide this?  Maybe a little bit of notice? and to be honest, I would like to hit you in the head with a dental tool if that’s an option.

Oh Grace, “we sent you an email in January letting you know that these changes were taking place.”

You mean you sent an email to the address Iamgivingyouthisbecauseyouaremakingmebutiwillnevercheckit@gmail.com ?!?!?

Hmm I will get right with you on checking that.  And it never occurred to you to try picking up the god damn phone to call me?… WHATEVER! apparently our relationship is over.

I called my insurance company to find out where I had to go.  Went through the push this for that and that for this game, only to be told I had to visit their website to pick a dentist.  That process alone took a month, but that is a whole different rant.  Finally, I made an appointment at this new dentist.  I am still smh at the last question the receptionist asked me before I hung up….”Is there anything we can do to make your visit more comfortable?”  …………..Like what?….. I responded, “yes, please be on time”….they weren’t.

I showed up for my appointment at 8 am, they finally called me at 8:30.  (The reason they were late is because the tv in the lobby wasn’t working)  ok?  smh…  I sat through new xrays, gum poking, etc, and and hour later was advised that because some of my gums were swollen I should have this procedure done which would go underneath my gumline for a more through cleaning.  Don’t worry though it will only cost you $465.00 (because you have insurance)…oh and here is a free new toothbrush for you.

Oral B Genius

FREE MY ASS!…. How about you keep the damn toothbrush and take $100.00 off my bill?

Oh But Grace, this is a SMART toothbrush, you just snyc it with your smart phone and it will help ensure that you are brushing in each quadrant of your mouth for the recommended amount of time, and you can also upload your records to your hygienist……Don’t believe me?  click the link ^^^^^^

to me this translates as….

Once you have given us permission to access your contacts etc we will spam the hell out of them trying to sell them a toothbrush as well.   We will work with facebook to be sure to include these ads on all of your friends pages too.

I am a smoker, and a massive coffee drinker.  I brush my teeth multiple times a day, for more than the recommended two minutes.  I don’t NEED anything to make me more comfortable in your chair.  I need you to clean my teeth!  I need you to be on time, or at least something close to it.

SMH….

Of course, they couldn’t clean my teeth THAT day, they had to make another appointment.  Fine appointment made, be back in a week.

Oh I came back in a week alright…to be told that because I didn’t confirm my appointment via email, they had to cancel….. and yes I did give them the same email Iamgivingyouthisbecauseyouaremakingmebutiwillnevercheckit@gmail.com.

My appointment has now been rescheduled for next week.  I walked out of the office and right back in telling them I would like to confirm my appointment.

About a week ago, my smart phone quit working and I have been patiently waiting for a replacement to be sent. (I am pretty sure the 200 texts I got from their office have something to do with the breaking of my phone)

I hope that next week, after my teeth are cleaned, all of this “shitty talk” will stop flowing out of my mouth.

In all seriousness though, I am not saying that technology itself is a bad thing.  I am saying that I want people to realize that nothing in life is free, and you might be giving up more control than your realize if you depend on it.

Full Disclosure!!!!!  Msgracefulnot.com is a participant in the Amazon Services Associates Program.  Amazon offers a small commission on products sold through their affiliate links at no additional costs to you.

Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

So last night, after avoiding the forced Microsoft update for more than a couple weeks, I finally Clicked that damn button.  After what FELT like hours ( because my cell phone is “in the shop” and it was pouring rain outside) the upgrade was finished.  I restarted my computer, and was met with ” a new and improved” sign in option to use a pin and biometrics.  Biometrics?  Now you want MY BLOOD?!?!?…

Ok, not my blood…YET… just my fingerprints and/ or an iris scan. And they are “selling you all of this to make you feel safe?!?!?  Where are you going to store this information?  How are you going to protect me from hackers who can download the information and duplicate it to steal my identity?!?!

That’s ok, you don’t have to answer.  The fact that I signed in on May 14, 2018 and didn’t immediately throw my computer out the window says that I’m surrendering any right to fight you right?  may 1Funny that you’re telling me I need to then close my Microsoft account before May 1, 2018 if I don’t like it.

Apparently I was looking for a fight last night (and maybe still am today), so I continued reading the terms I “agreed” to.

In the Code of Conduct section, we’ve clarified that you should not publicly display or use the Services to share inappropriate content or material, including involving offensive language, and that you should not engage in activity that is fraudulent. Inappropriate content means illegal or harmful content, and offensive language means violent, profane, or hateful language. We’ve made this change to ensure the public parts of our Services are safe and secure for all customers. This doesn’t change our existing policies – it simply clarifies that inappropriate content includes offensive language, among other things.

WHAT THE FUCK EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Does that mean I need to start learning linux?  and would that even help?

Several months ago I wrote a post, Is it possible to go off the grid?   Many of the responses I received said the using the internet etc was a privilege not a right.  I can understand that line of thinking, but are you sure you really know exactly what you are paying for that privilege or convenience?

I’m not trying to tell everyone to ditch their phones and their computers etc.  I am asking you to think about it.  Are you so dependent on your technology that you are allowing others to control your actions?

 

I came back from Boston Wicked Smaaht

Ok that’s not even a little bit true, I’m still the same dumb ass I was before I went on the trip, BUT I did learn ALOT (good and bad).  It was definitely an adventure…..

If you’ve got some time I would like to tell you about it…..well about getting there and our first day in the city.

SOMETIMES the weather forecast is right

Before we left, I had been half listening to the forecast.  The forecasters said that we would be ‘blessed’ with a wintry mix of snow, sleet, and rain and temps of 26 degrees beginning 2 hours before we were to head out for the airport.   After sleeping 3 hours, I woke up at 1 am, showered, coffeed, and looked out the window.  Of course they picked THIS time to be correct….smh

We left Einstein’s house at 2 am, and headed to my house to pick Thing 2 up.  She was driving us to the airport.  (well I was driving us to the airport, and she was taking my car home)  That 20 minute drive took almost an hour….grrrrr

wintry mixok MORE coffee….(the American Airlines app, I downloaded on my phone said the flight was still on time, so we were doing this)  Driving to the airport sucked, since everyone forgets how to drive in the winter.  (It’s not like we haven’t had a long enough winter for people to relearn)  smh AGAIN.

When we got to the airport, Thing 2 ran in and grabbed a wheelchair for me.  I NEVER thought, I would be so grateful to have one.wheelchair  (Our trip hadn’t even started and I was completely exhausted.)

I won’t claim that it was perfect, but since I know the rating system affects the person driving the wheelchair directly, (he really was a nice guy) I did give the experience a perfect 😀 score on the “she has been delivered” tablet you have to sign when you are dropped off at your gate.

Security was a breeze

I probably shouldn’t say this, but the “trick” to getting through security quickly is having a bag of pee strapped to your leg.  The poor girl that had to do my pat down apologized so many times about having to “feel me up” and couldn’t comprehend what a foley catheter was, I don’t think she even noticed or swabbed the great stuff on my hands.  In hindsight, it is really scary that the people that are supposed to be providing our security are so afraid of “offending” someone, that they “overlook” certain things.  I hope I am wrong and they tested me some other way without my realizing it.  I assure you I will not be complaining to them.

Clear skies

Boarding the plane was also a breeze.  I did get a little nervous when the person sitting next to me started coughing,  (Oh no, not the plague again) but for supposedly being a full flight, she was able to move to another seat closer to other family members.  YAH ME!!  In fact, both seats next to me were empty!!!!  Double Win!  I took off my leather bomber jacket, used it as a pillow, used my sweatshirt as a blanket, and I was out.  🙂 I woke up a couple hours later in Boston, not quite fully rested, but refreshed nonetheless.

The airline had a wheelchair waiting for me as I deboarded the plane.  I didn’t get a picture of the woman driving (though I should have since she was also the one who helped me reboard on the way home and she was SO HELPFUL)  After taking us to the baggage claim area for my companions suitcase, I explained that  “according to my research” we were supposed to take the SL to the blue line and I needed to buy a ticket somehow.  “Oh no honey, you don’t need to buy a ticket, it’s all free”, she said.  Huh?  Nothing in life is free.

There are still some free things in the world

Transportation FROM the airport is free via the Silver Line and the Subway (as long as you don’t leave the station).  Who knew?!?!  silver lineWe boarded the SL1 which is an electric/gas powered bus.  It was electric leaving the airport, then temporarily shuts off to restart and run on gasoline…..WHAT?!?!?  Don’t laugh, I really had no idea such a thing existed….

We rode the SL to the end of the line and then tried to figure out which direction we needed to head on the blue line to get to our destination.

I must really have the “damsel in distress” look, because people were constantly coming up to me offering to provide help or direction.  A man and a woman (not a couple) even debated with each other which way would be easier.  The man said we should take this route…the woman directed her eyes to my cane and suggested that MAYBE, the orange line would be a better choice.  Orange line it is!.. The announcement said the the orange line would be approaching on the center platform….

Look BEFORE you leap

I heard “center platform” and crossed the tracks to head that way.  No I did not notice the train that was heading directly for me before I stepped onto the tracks.  Talk about your life flashing before your eyes….HOLY SHIT….(yah for the foley cath, since I think I would have pissed my pants without it).   No I didn’t get hit by the train, but I didn’t escape unscathed either.

Wait there is more….

So now I am standing on one side of the platform, my companions on the other.  The orange line pulls up and we need to be on that train, but how to communicate that?  I am using hand signals through the glass trying to tell them to get on the train as I proceed to board.  Once on the train, I don’t see them….Oh shit should I get off?!?!?  I try to step off the other side of the train to see if they are still on the platform, only to get my feet caught up in my suitcase or the cane and down I went.  20 minutes in Boston and I wipe out.  The upper part of my body is on the train, but my legs are hanging out the door and I can’t pull them up. 

I really am a train wreck (pun intended)

For the first time in my life, I am grateful that people don’t mind their own business. Someone pulled me into the train car just as my companions found me.  How the hell have I survived 44 years on this planet?!?  Have I mentioned GRACEful I am not?!?!still alive

I’m not done yet though…. not with my life or with this story….

We did make it to the apartment we were staying at to drop off our bags without any further mishaps.

We also found a great little pizza place.  regina

While we were eating we decided our next stop would be the Prudential Skywalk.

The UBER app can kiss my ass

Believe it or not, I did listen to the advice I was given before leaving that uber was the easiest way to get around while we were there, so I downloaded it to my phone before leaving.  After my “near death experiences” from the morning, I thought MAYBE now was the time to actually use it.  The app had other ideas.uber sucks

OH come on!!!!!!!!!  WTF?!?!?  How can it be disabled, I have never even used it before?!?!?  Visiting the website they sent me too was no help either…. Ok so back to the train…. If at first you don’t succeed try try again?  In fact I was more determined than ever to figure this “whole public transportation” thing out.  When we got back to the train station, I took a picture of the map (schedules had changed effective April 1st and new ones weren’t available yet?!?!)  I made a “new friend” who suggested that we buy a one day charlie card which would allow us unlimited use of the buses and trains throughout the city for 24 hours.

mbta helpmbta map

 

 

 

By the end of the first day, I was cold, tired, and completely worn the hell out…. but I CAN boast that I have become quite proficient at using the MBTA.  ( I still think that using a horse would have been easier)

homeless

IT RAINED ALL DAY!!!!!!  (at least it wasn’t snow though)

I took a selfie before crashing for the night.  I don’t know that I will claim damsel in distress, but definitely helpless, homeless, or in someone in need of assistance.

I’m not sure if I made an impression on Boston, but after one day, it certainly left an impression on me.

I will write more about our trip later this week,  not only did I come back from Boston with a semblance of a silly accent, but I also picked up a scratchy voice and fever 😦