If I told you that I don’t worry about my daughter, you would probably think that I was a monster, but I don’t.  I honestly, don’t “Worry” about her at all.  Now LOVE her?. That is a completely different story!  Of Course I do!!!


Have you ever gone to a wedding and felt like YOU were the guest of honor?  (Your own wedding doesn’t count)  I’m still not sure HOW she pulled it off, but I think everyone who was there that day will agree that it was an honor to be included in HER DAY.

I think I have to try to “stick to the facts” when I talk about Thing One’s Wedding.   My usual words like Fuck, Shit, and Damn have no place in this story, …..yet WONDERFUL, MAGICAL, FAIRYTALE, and PERFECT, really don’t scratch the surface.  To say I am Proud would be an understatement. Honored seems hollow, however, MY HEART IS FULL!!!

Friday, March 9, 2018

Einstein and I arrived at Thing One, and her fiancee’s house at 10 am.  The hotel and venue were two hours away, and we told Thing One that we would be her “beck and call people” for the day.  “Just tell us what you need kiddo, and it’s done.”


She handed me the schedule for the next day to look over, and the book that would be used to hold the officiant’s notes for the ceremony, asking me to remove the sticker from the cover.  Truly, trying to get that damn sticker off with fake nails was the most difficult thing I had to do. I called the hotel, and asked if we could check in early because we were so ahead of schedule.   The coordinator said, “Yes we have yours and your daughter’s room’s ready, Come on in.”


Because so many people were coming from out of town, Thing One had reserved a block of 25 rooms for her guests.  She didn’t tell us that she had used hotel points to upgrade us to a suite.  Believe it or not, our suite was not even half the size of the kids suite!!!

The guys made quick work of unloading the cars, and then the four of us went to lunch at the hotel’s restaurant while we waited for the venue to open so we could start decorating.

We ate lunch, drove the mile to the venue, and began carrying the totes full of decorations inside.  When we opened the doors to the banquet room, everything froze. I looked at my daughter’s face as she saw that The Banquet hall had not even begun cleaning up from prior evenings event.  It only took ONEtear rolling down my daughter’s cheek for me to launch into Lieutenant mode.

Wait a minute Grace, I thought you said EVERYTHING was perfect?

No, I am not a masochist, but I am a “fixer”!!!!

FINALLY, something that I COULD DO to help!!!!!!

crew rehearsal

My daughter has her own army

The entire bridal party came to help clean and decorate.  Within a couple hours, the hall was mostly decorated and we were able to begin the wedding rehearsal.  I’ve never lead a rehearsal before, so it did take a couple of “run-throughs” before I got that part right.  But all in all, it was ALOT of fun.  We all left the venue and headed to a local pizza place for dinner.  Hours of good food and company!

When the evening was over, Einstein and I were sitting in our room talking about how proud we were of Thing One and her fiancee.  They are both incredibly strong, intelligent, and outgoing people.  They have both put in a lot of hard work to achieve their dreams, and the love and respect they share for each other can be felt for miles.  As we were getting ready to sleep…. Thing One texted me….

“Mommy, open your door?”

I looked at the clock, sure enough…… 11 O’ clock on the dot!!!!!

I know that I said I was going to stick to the facts and leave emotions out of this story, but here’s the thing…  For as long as I can remember all of the  “heartfelt, tearful, world changing” conversations that occur between THING ONE and I have always begun at 11 pm.  Her choice, not mine.  She had told me a couple days prior to this that she had a letter she wanted me to read at the rehearsal dinner.  I gave her 10,000 excuses why we didn’t need to do THAT, and thought I had managed to avoid it.  kids

But here they were at 11 O Clock, using the word, “Mommy”…..







For all you sadists out there…..

Yes I read the letter.  NO not on video. Yes I do cry and here is the picture to prove it…..


Saturday, March 10, 2018

The morning started with Breakfast in Thing One’s Room.  The make up ladies, showed up to her room soon after.


Thing One, let me go first so I could make a “break for it” ( I don’t do good with a room full of girls being girls), no matter how nice they all are.  I also do not sit still very well.


So I got to go first and then was tasked with making sure everything was “Fixed” at the venue and making sure everyone was were they were supposed to be.  YAH “busy work”.

I spent the next several hours running between our hotel rooms (the guys were in mine and Einstein’s suite and the ladies in Thing One’s) and the Venue.  FTR I only knocked on the wrong room door one time 😛


I took pictures and video to “report back” that everything looked perfect… You tell me?

The Ceremony

Banquet Room

The 3d printed centerpieces and table numbers we made, turned out beautiful as well


finishing touchesAs Five O’clock drew near, Thing Two helped Thing One with the finishing touches…

The Bridal party took the shuttle to the venue.

Einstein and I loaded Thing One AND her dress into the car and headed to the ceremony.

(I don’t have any pictures of this yet, but I will share some pictures that have been shared with me from the remainder of the evening below)


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Now, I hope you can see why I can’t find the words to describe just how perfect the entire weekend was.


Dearest daughter of mine,

As I mentioned before, I do not worry about you.  I don’t have to!!!!  You are smart, beautiful, caring, determined and independent.  You’ve Got this! You posted the picture that I used as a featured image on this page to your facebook page with a caption stating that I was the greatest woman you know.  You wrote me a letter that made me cry.  (and bought me an awesome “mother of the bride” coffee mug.)  In your marriage, you have also given me a “son”.  I am so sorry that I’m not good with words, but please believe me when I tell you…..

YOU are the Greatest Woman I know!!!! and having you as my daughter is the GREATEST GIFT of all!!!!


Help! I don’t know how to be a “GIRL”

Ok, Ok, you all know that I have the X chromosomes… (there are two right?)

I was born a female.  I have not had any surgeries or anything like that to change that fact, nor do I want to.  (well except for this one time, when I had a hysterectomy... medically necessary NOT elective) But I am struggling with how a “girl” is supposed to look, act, dress etc.  You see, I’ve never actually TRIED to “fit in”,  BUT now…

Thing ONE is getting Married in March!!!

I am THE MOTHER OF THE BRIDE…. who knew that was such a thing?  I mean I know I’m her mother, but I apparently don’t just get to sit there and watch my kiddo get married,  I actually have to SHOW UP, (like dress up and say stuff and…..whoa)….

When she was a little girl and it was just the two of us, I envisioned being the one to walk her down the aisle, and that’s as far as it ever went.  I never thought about “giving her away” or her father walking her down the aisle.  I am glad that Einstein is doing that part, since I don’t think I could say the words when asked, “who gives this woman?”

DRESSing up to SHOW UP

I guess it makes sense that the first part for me then is choosing a Dress, since I was informed that I can NOT wear sweats and a Tshirt.  I was also TOLD that I could not wear a Tuxedo as I have in 2 previous weddings.  DON’T JUDGE!!! (I had “stereotypical male roles” as an Usher in one, and a Best Man in the other, so it was fitting, AND cheaper.) 😛

Picking out a mother of the Bride Dress

Thing 1 and her bridesmaids told me I was not allowed to wear a tent, or an old matronly type dress either, because I am not OLD….. well THAT got my attention….DO TELL!!!!  So I agreed to wear a dress if they helped me pick one.  We went to David’s Bridal and the fitting person asked me what kind of a dress I would like….um….well…. um… I repeated the bridesmaids directives and added a few of my own:

  1. The dress could NOT be matronly
  2. It had to be the Color Plum (to compliment the bridal party)
  3. The dress had to be long so I could “hide my bag of pee” if I needed it that day (and to hide my tennis shoes, if I could get away with wearing those)
  4. I get hot very easily, so no long sleeves

The “fitter person” took my measurements, suggested a size, and the bridesmaids all took off running to find the “perfect dress”.  SO Many dresses…..smh  I was exhausted by the time I had tried them all on, so I told them to vote and pick one.  They did.  (and I spent a boat load of money on a dress)

Time for shoes!

My kiddo, told me I could wear my tennis shoes under my dress because they are custom fit with orthotics to keep me upright…so for the most part that is covered. ( I do own a nice pair of black flats for pictures so that part is covered too)…. I think I’m good to go…..but

What about your Hair and Make up?

Yes I have hair, no I don’t own makeup.  Next?……(apparently it is not that simple)

Hiring someone to do your hair and makeup for a wedding

My daughter presented me with 3 options for having my hair and make- up done.  I am pretty sure she doesn’t really care how I show up as long as I show up, but she wanted me to feel included.  She told me there are 3 packages available for make up (hair is included)

  1. Regular make up
  2. Airbrush makeup
  3. “24 hour” makeup.

I honestly don’t know what any of that means and all would be a change for me, but ok here goes.  So, I called the place that she hired to do everyone’s hair and make up and asked them if they have something like SHELLAC that they could apply over whatever they decide to do to my face….they laughedI WAS SERIOUS!!!

I expect to bawl like a baby, not bad tears, but happy ones, but lots of tears nonetheless.  And I am a horrible crier…

making crying beautifulI look NOTHING like Jennifer Love Hewitt in Ghost Whisper who looks more beautiful with each tear she sheds.

So please just make it water/tear proof.


I even enlisted Tiara from DGGYST to ask for make up tips.  (she really is kind, even in real life…not just “celebrity mode”) and she didn’t laugh at me when I asked for help.

Choosing Bridal Jewelry

Now I am stuck on Jewelry/accessories.  How the hell do you chose those?  Do they have to be the color of the dress, or do you pick something for the style of the dress?  Since I don’t really own any jewelry, I suppose I should buy something that I can wear again.  (like maybe when thing 2 gets married)

I do have pierced ears, but only because the holes never closed from when I was 12 and pierced my own ears to shock my parents.  So I was thinking maybe matching earrings and a necklace?…I am really stuck though.

I am afraid to ask anyone I know in real life to go shopping with me, for fear that they will try to talk me into a full wardrobe makeover….and then our friendship would have to end….and well let’s just say it’s better that I don’t ask them.

So here I am asking for help.  Any advice on how to Choose jewelry?  I would like to draw attention AWAY from my port.  (I know I am very self critical, I am working on that.)  I am excited about the Wedding, and I am getting excited about dressing up, it’s just been so long since I have, that I have forgotten “how to be a girl”.