The Morning After….”THE VIDEO”

Yesterday, I posted a video I did as a self challenge to put myself out there and face something I was terrified of.  I didn’t watch the video again until today and this morning “Pre-coffee” I made another one after I finished watching the first one.

For anyone wondering “Pre-coffee” should have a clinical definition and be categorized as some other kind of disease.  ( At least for me it is)  I am not a doctor, so I won’t attempt a clinical definition….. but picture this….

Or check out other pins I have collected .  If you have any to share, please add them too!!…But I digress….I wanted to share some things I have learned both about myself, and about making a video, just from doing that ONE VIDEO….. Caution though…the following video was made PRE-COFFEE. (ok while having the first cup or I wouldn’t have been able to turn on my computer)  But as usual I digress…

Here is my second video if you want to see

Other things I learned from making the video:

  1.  How to upload a video
  2. I really DO NOT Enunciate ( which is why I attempted to add captions) to this one… not perfect, it’s alot of work, but yah I learned something new.
  3. I HATE  the way I LOOK and SOUND precoffee
  4. My goofy first video encouraged someone that I consider a VERY SUCCESSFUL blogger to try something she has been putting off…. DOUBLE WIN!!!!
  5. I’m gonna keep “doing me”.  I know that If I did this or that when making a video, it would be more successful, but baby steps for now.
  6. Drink coffee before EVER attempting to blog or video

Ok Now I’m just rambling…. Thank you again to everyone that is following me on this adventure!!!! I am really enjoying it and learning lots of new things!!!!!

 

 

 

 

Feel the Fear and DO IT ANYWAY!!!!

Two months ago, I decided to start a blog…this entire post is about my experiences in the last two months as I have challenged myself to step out of my comfort zone.  (kind of like a roller coaster ride)

Today’s personal challenge was to make an unedited video and post it.  TBH,  I have been thinking about it for about a month now, and talking myself out of it for one reason or another……. but I finally jumped and did it.

Before you watch the video, if you choose to, let me again state that there is no real point to the video, except that I needed to challenge myself to do something I was afraid of and I did it and it didn’t kill me…..YET.… my stomach is still in knots….

I began my blog/ website (whatever the technical term is about 2 months ago.)  I originally had thoughts about writing about Multiple Sclerosis, but what did I want to write about?  That it sucks?  Yes it does!  Ok, so not that….

How do you make the most of your life in spite of having MS?   Better…maybe.   So I decided to start there.  Please keep in mind, I also just jumped into the blog thing.  I had never heard of wordpress, and while I have taken a couple classes in html programming, I have never put my knowledge into practice.  I created an account on wordpress.com, paid $8.00 a month upfront for a year and then my mind went completely blank.  Oh shit now what?  This was my first blog post. 

I laughed so hard that day.  I was proud of myself for FINALLY taking that first step.  It just felt good.  I  spent the next couple of weeks writing SOMETHING almost everyday, but I could never focus on just one subject, some posts were about MS, some were technology struggles as I continued to dig into blogging concepts, some were just random rants about life.

After being in the blogging world for about a month, I realized that what I was actually trying to do is to Put myself out there, and to connect with other people.  I have enjoyed chatting with other bloggers and hearing their struggles.  I have met other people that are living with autoimmune disorders and chronic illnesses, and learned how they deal with life on a day to day basis.  I’ve made new friendships with “millennials”, and I have learned alot about myself in the process.  Most importantly, I have learned that I want to learn everything about everything, and I need to slow down a bit.

I still don’t have a topic to blog about, or a niche, other than reaching out to people, talking about my life, and learning about others.  If any of that sounds cool to you, say hello, let’s talk and get to know each other.  I’ve put myself out there, as scary as it was, so now it’s your turn.  I don’t mean hey let’s talk on the phone everyday or anything, but I mean let’s talk…really talk about any and everything….ok well maybe not anything, but maybe you get my point…..

Ok so now for the infamous, Link to COMPLETELY POINTLESS FIRST VIDEO

Again, posting this was a personal challenge for me.  I can already think of 5,000 things I could have or should have done.  But there it is…..

 

Why did it take me 4 hours to walk a mile? #ADHD

This non photo shopped picture is Proof that I should be able to walk a mile in under a 1/2 hour.  So why did it take me 4 hours to actually finish the mile?  Because I’m silly? Because I think too much? Because I have #ADHD? Because I am not focused? Because other things were more important?….. Probably all of those things and more ( oh yeah, I’m sick and have MS, but I think it was more the other things)

I am not going to beat myself up about being non productive because even though my morning didn’t go as planned and I have so much more I have to do today, I realize that I did accomplish a lot and I have had a blast doing it…. I should probably get to the point of why I am writing now huh?

I have said numerous times that I am my own worst enemy, that I am too hard on myself, and that I need to slow the hell down.  I DID!  AND I ENJOYED MYSELF!!!!  This really is a completely pointless post, other than the fact that it’s making me laugh (and cough…DAMN COLD), but If you have a minute, hang out with me, laugh at me, shake your head at me? and keep reading.

Ok so the plan was to walk a mile on the treadmill…. but what happened was…..

my babyI started walking, looked at this picture that sits next to my treadmill and thought, “Holy shit, my baby isn’t my baby anymore”  (She is 20 and has turned into a super strong young woman)  Then I thought, “It’s been a whole day since I told her that I loved her, I should send her this picture and let her know I’m thinking of her and why I am struggling with this whole #emptynest thing”. (because I still see her like that little girl in my head)

I stop the treadmill. (Bonus that I didn’t try to take the pic while it was moving) I take the picture, and lean against the bar to TRY to send the message. (whoops leaned on the increase speed button instead)  And of course, I was still standing on the machine.  I managed to jump off, not sure how, but yah no injuries.  “I should probably sit down for a minute” #MSlegs were getting tired.

While sitting down in front of the damn computer.  (facebook really is a bad distraction)  I read a comment in a blogging group that goes like this:

Jerk guy: “So now that I have a blog and I’m writing my first post… how do I make it profitable?”

Super nice friendly helpful girl: You’ll need more than one post to get accepted into ad and affiliate programs. It takes time to gain a presence on google.

She goes on to explain that it will take time, patience and hard work.  Unfortunately blogging isn’t a get rich quick scheme.  (Which for the record it sounded like he was looking for)

Jerk guy:  “I never said I want to get rich. Read my post again”

super nice friendly helpful girl: “I wasn’t trying to offend, profitable suggests making money”

jerk guy: “there’s a difference between being profitable and thinking you’re going to be rich quick.”

super nice friendly WAY TO PATIENT girl: “Oh haha.  That’s just a saying ‘get rich quick’.  I don’t literally mean rich, although I wouldn’t complain, lol!”

Bitchy, underdog fighter, should probably mind her own business but can’t GRACE typed:

“Wow, dude you really are an asshole! Someone is trying to help you and you have to argue semantics?!?! Yeah go fuck yourself!”… then I deleted before hitting enter.  Started typing again, “Could you even say thank you?!?!?”  then deleted and so on.  Of course I couldn’t let it go at that, but I still have stuff to do, so I sent her a message basically saying I hope karma bites him in the ass, and it was nice of her to try to help the ungrateful piece of ……

I have now made a new friend. I liked her page, (which yah free traffic boost) and was now rested enough to try the treadmill again.

The next thing that “distracted me was the tv turning on (all by itself), and it triggering a new blog post idea….(sesame street and all I ever needed to know I learned in kindergarten) Which hopefully I will actually get around to writing because I think it’s good stuff….smh  I took a video, looked up the poem I am referring to, and got back on the treadmill.

No, I am not going to talk about all the distractions that occurred over the next 3 hours because I need to focus on the present.  (My other daughter will be here in a bit to work on the invitations for her bridal shower with me.  And I have learned, time goes by too damn fast, I want to BE PRESENT and in the moment while she is here.)

Wow instant focus!  I walked the last 3/4 of a mile in 15 minutes, typed off this rant, and should still have time to shower before she gets here.

I hope everyone celebrating the holiday next week has a great one.  Try to turn off your media and be in the NOW.  Time goes way too fast.  Try to be patient when someone is a jerk face. cliche cliche cliche…..

Get your mind right, be present (borrowed)

Yesterday I posted about slowing down and needing a break.  I thought that technology was supposed to make things easier for us all?!?!?  Well with every good thing there is inevitably bad too right?  For example, the picture above is of a shelf in my office filled with photo albums that I had made for my daughters back when scrapbooking was all the rage. I have another shelf (almost as big) filled with scrapbooking SUPPLIES. You know scissors that cut every shape imaginable, corners, borders, acid free papers, photo safe glue, and boxes of unsorted pictures.

Ok Grace, here goes nothing!  Maybe you should scan the photo albums onto a hard drive and then just give each of the girls a hard drive for Christmas?  Sounds like a plan, until the scanner which is supposed to be wireless decides that it needs to be hardwired to function correctly.  Yep NO WAY is that cord gonna reach.  SON OF A BITCH!…. So I spent the next 3 hours rearranging my office so that the cord would reach.  (Yes I realize that I could use my laptop to do this but then I would have to figure out how to download all the drivers for my 1000 year old scanner, because my laptop doesn’t have a disk drive)  It seemed easier to move the office around.

I also thought about uploading them all to google drive and letting the girls download them on their own but my google drive is full.  How the hell could that be, I don’t even know how to use the damn thing, how could it be full?!?!?  (Another hour spent  investigating that)  Apparently, every picture I have taken with my “Mom you need to have a smart phone, smart phone” was automatically backed up to the cloud. 19736 of them to be exact!!!  Yes even the ones I thought I had deleted 3x because I never wanted to share them with anyone.  I could literally #feelthegreyhairgrowing.

I decided to take a break, grab a cup of coffee, and relax with more technology?!?!?  (Hey no one said I was very smart.)  “Let’s check out if the link you tried to put on twitter worked”…… Oh look a squirrel!  Some how I ended up reading a blog, then another, then another.  (We won’t comment on the amount of time I spent doing this or the fact that I literally spit/dripped/ no full on choked on my coffee while reading a couple of them.)  But the last one I read made me STOP.  I actually read it 2x, not because it was hard to follow, the writer is actually quite humorous, and one of her earlier posts caused the coffee incident.  I had to re read it because it contained a lot of good information that I  needed to think about considering my post from yesterday.  Her post was titled, Get Your Mind Right. Be Present. If you have a minute, check it out by clicking the link.

I’m gonna leave it at that.  No more thinking about tomorrow, or yesterday for the evening.  No more facebook, or instagram, or twitter etc.

 

Life is not a race to the finish line

The ever evolving, “Where are you going with your blog? or “What do you want to do with your blog question?”…Guess what! I still don’t know……….lol.
Everytime, I think I have an answer it evolves. For each question I answer, I come up with 20 more, which sends me back to the drawing board.
A couple of weeks ago I CRASHED HARD, literally to the point of tears. After all the tears were dried up, and I walked away for a couple days I let the things that I have learned sink in. I wasn’t crying about the blog. I was crying because I let myself get overwhelmed with trying to do too many things, both on the internet and with my friends and family.

Welcome to my Blender of a Brain

I had this fantastic idea to start a blog.  I’m pretty good at finding the positive in even the worst situation, maybe I can help other people do the same.  Or maybe I can write about the “taboo” topics of MS, the shit no one wants to share with “normal people”.  Yes that would help because then people will know that they aren’t alone!  I was also toying with a new (to me) thought…. Do you ever realize how all the commercials on TV are from drug companies?  (Some of those side effects seem worse than the symptoms you are experiencing)  Pretty scary!  Then the conspiracy theorist in me comes out…. “What if its actually the drugs that are making you sick, or keeping you sick?”  Let’s test this out.  But where to begin?!?!  Yes that ONE question turned into 20 more also.  Ah ha!  That’s what I will write about.  My true life journey of getting healthier…..heh.  DUMB ASS!!! ( me not you)

I wish I could tell you that I had this great epiphany that I should slow down, but I didn’t.  My body told me.  The tears were a warning sign that I was getting overwhelmed.  The not sleeping at night was another.  But the knock me flat on my ass cold, flu, sickness thing that hit me was the real WAKE UP CALL. ( I am the most fidgety,  can’t sit still, am hardly ever home person you might know.)  The fact that I didn’t get out of bed for two days or leave my house for a week was my body protecting itself and saying….

What I really need to do is slow the hell down.  While it’s good to have goals, it is NOT good to flip your whole life upside down overnight to accomplish them.  My ultimate goal in life is to be better a better ME than I was before.  I am always telling people to slow down and just take a deep breath. So why don’t I listen to myself?!?!

I am also ALWAYS saying, “Focus on the positive”.  So here goes.  I’ve learned a lot over the last couple months.  I’ve met some great people, and made some new friends.  I stepped out of my comfort zone several times, and somehow even managed to lose weight.  I accomplished the monthly goals I made for myself each month, and now I am just focusing on getting through the next day.  One day at a time!

To all of you reading this, this isn’t goodbye.  (I paid for a whole year of wordpress :P)  and I still have lots to learn.  I just needed to “unload” and wanted to say Thank you for spending your time with me.