So….. not what I was expecting…..

A parade?  For me?  How Exciting!!!!

But not even a little bit true.

Let’s start at the beginning…..

😦 no the beginning would take to long

where to start?   where to start?

Ah, just go with the flow…. let’s start with the picture I have posted.  Apparently, it is homecoming weekend for our school district.  I had no idea. As I watched the band, and trucks pulling floats assemble outside my house yesterday, my mind traveled to a different time. In some ways this makes me feel incredibly old, because I have been there and done that.  I participated in Homecoming events, not only when I was in High School myself, but also as each of my daughter’s were.  Wow that feels like I lifetime or two ago!

At the same time, I’m not done with Homecoming.  In as short as 15 years or so, I will have Grandchildren that might be participating in Homecoming.  I will be telling the story…..” when I was your age we had to walk 10 miles through the snow, Uphill to get to school…etc.”  ( Ok that’s MY grandma’s story, but you get the point)

I wonder how different the world will be even in just the few years.

Yesterday, while sitting in the waiting room for my 3 week post op visit, (more about that soon) my mind started to drift to a post that I read earlier this week, by Bojana at Blogging with Bojana.  In her post she talks about spending time with her young son at the playground.  She writes…

Another good thing I’ve noticed spending plenty of time in the sandpit with toddles is the presence and acceptance of all the colors of the rainbow, that is an utter and complete absence of racism and xenophobia in their world. While there’s possessiveness and envy of another kid’s bigger and shinier toy, there’s no discrimination based on ethnicity, nationality, religion, appearance or disability. The society has yet to teach them hatred and prejudice, giving rise to inequality and aggression.

20180927_145626As I thought more about her post, which you can read in its entirety here. I thought that I had the condition for the beginnings of Utopia right in front of me.  I may be misusing the word, but here is the definition I am trying to describe…

u·to·pi·a
yo͞oˈtōpēə/
noun
noun: Utopia; plural noun: Utopias; noun: utopia; plural noun: utopias
  1. an imagined place or state of things in which everything is perfect. The word was first used in the book Utopia (1516) by Sir Thomas More.

Even though we are all sitting in a Doctor’s office, and there is still pain and suffering, as individuals, no one was adding to someone else’s discomfort.  Young, old, black, white, blonde, brunette, bald, overweight, underweight….we were all there coexisting.  Peacefully.

That is the kind of world I hope to see my grandchildren raised in.

In the beginning of the post, I said I didn’t know where to start, so I just started typing/rambling.  I actually intended to tell you about my post op visit, but as I “reviewed” yesterdays events in my mind, my foot became very insignificant. I am not going to say anymore about Homecoming, memories, hope for the future etc or even my foot notes…..  I made a funny ( at least in this post)

Instead I want to ask you for your feedback.  Don’t you think the world would be a better place if instead of drawing lines that separate us from one another, we focused more on the common goal of helping everyone “make it”? all making it

Stranger on the plane

As I wrote yesterday or the day before (damn the last week is a blur), I was pretty paranoid about leaving vegas after what happened last time I said goodbye to a friend.  All the bullshit I went through at the airport in Houston to get to vegas, had me dreading the trip even more.  (another story for another time)

As I walked through the door of the airport, a sudden calm washed over me.  Maybe it was the xanax kicking in, maybe it was that I was going to home to see girls, I honestly don’t know what it was.  Maybe it was exhaustion?  Either way I had not a care in the world.  I didn’t take more than 10 steps into the door before I found a porter ready and waiting with a wheelchair for me.  When I showed him the boarding pass on my phone I realized I was in seat 8F  ( yah window seat….maybe I could sleep?).

I barely remember that pat down, even though the foley catheter (who’s name is boppy, for bag of pee) set off the metal wand, I really don’t remember much about it.  We stopped for coffee and I was deposited at the gate.

I was the first to board the plane (after the pilot and flight attendants.)  The agent that took me to the plane even stashed my bag overhead for me.  I balled up my sweatshirt and laid my head on it closing my eyes to let the world drift away.  I couldn’t have slept more than a few minutes, before being awaken by this sight.flight home (9)

Meet Timmy

Timmy is the service dog for my new friend Bob…… Bob has Retinitis Pigmentosa, and is going blind, or as doctors have told him, he should have been completely blind years ago.  But I am getting ahead of myself, let me take a few steps back.

So I open my eyes, see this beautiful patient dog looking at me and let my eyes wonder up the harness to the man holding it.  He asks, “Are you ok with dogs?”…. I kind of shook my head and muttered, “um yeah, but where is he going to sit?”   thinking….Does he get a seat? are you putting a seat belt on him? is he going to sit on your lap?  The stranger responded, “oh he’s just going to sit down under our legs”   HUH?  (remember I have a German shepherd, who always TRIES to lay under my legs)…. Again, Ok.

Sure enough, Timmy laid under the seat in front of the stranger and between his legs.  As the other passengers finished boarding, the stranger allowed me to take several pictures, an introduce myself to Timmy.  At one point he said, I have RP and this is my service dog.  I actually knew what RP was…..well kind of, I knew how to say it, and that it meant he was going blind.  I think I surprised the hell out of him that I had heard of his condition.  You see, I follow and greatly admire the writer Susan Richardson, the author of Stories from the Edge of Blindness.  Susan has also been diagnosed and living with RP for 16 years.  If you don’t know Susan, please check out her blog, you won’t be sorry.

So back to the “stranger” on the plane, His name is Bob by the way, and by the end of the flight, he really was no stranger at all, but an incredible, smart, friendly guy.  We talked for the full four hours of our flight ( although it really felt much shorter than that)  We discussed politics.  yes I said discussed.  We disagreed about a few things, but I think we both LEARNED from each other.

When we were discussing how to find happiness while living with a health condition, he taught me a new term, “stamp collector” to describe a person that holds on to any and every misdeed that someone has done to  them.  We both agreed the secret to happiness is NOT collecting stamps, both literally and figuratively.

I could go on and on about the things we talked about, but I guess the whole point of this post, is that I am glad a “stranger” took a chance to open up about themselves and took the time to listen to another stranger’s stories and opinions.

I’m not a religious person by any means, but I do feel like I was “blessed” that day on my way home, and I am grateful for it.  I am also very grateful to have met so many wonderful new friends here on the interwebz.  Sincerely, I Thank you all from the bottom of my broken heart.

Soon, I’m going to have to tell you all about my Best Friend Gary, (the reason I went to Vegas), and about all the things he did to keep my mind occupied while I was there.  I really am a lucky girl.  For now though, I have the pleasure of Dutch’s company while Dan’s family finds a new home back in Illinois.

dutch

Is it a guy thing or a puppy thing that makes them take EVERY toy out of the bin?!?!?  lol

Not winning the mother of the year award

I will NOT be winning the “Mother of the Year” Award this year.  Before you read please note that no children or animals were actually injured during the making or telling of this story….. I’m just a Dumbass?

Apparently this is a true story, but I have no recollection of the story or leaving her at the store.

How this was brought to my attention:

The other evening my youngest daughter (THING 2) and her boyfriend came over for dinner.  I don’t know why our dinner conversations always turn into a “Let’s roast Grace” night, but they do.  I am completely ok with that though, since it is cheaper than sending everyone to counseling, and I’m usually very good at laughing at myself.

Halfway through the meal, for some reason

Thing 2 says ” Well I can tell you one thing for sure, when I am a parent, I WILL NEVER leave my daughter at Walmart.”

Grace:  I didn’t leave you at Walmart. I told you to get out of the car because you were being a monster and I couldn’t deal with it anymore.  I let you out, and drove to the back of the parking lot.

Thing 2 :  No mom, we were in the store and you walked outside and moved the car to make me think you left me there.

Grace:  What are you talking about THING 2 ?!?!?  I didn’t even go in the store with you, you were being a bratty teenager so I dropped you off and said I wasn’t going in.

Thing 2:  No MOTHER, I was 8 years old, and you walked out of the store leaving me there.

Grace:  No way would I ever have left you.  I do see me walking away if you were throwing a tantrum, but I wouldn’t have left.

Thing 2:  Okay so you didn’t ACTUALLY leave me there, but you did go outside and you DID move the car.

Grace:  Hmmm I don’t remember that.  It is possible.  But I don’t remember.

At this point Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend are joining in the harassment (comical, but still harassing)

Grace:  Well I don’t remember that at all, but I was talking about the time when I told you to get out of the car at Walmart because you were being a bratty teenager, and I wasn’t going in the store with you.

Thing 2:  shrug… You’re right I was a brat.  I still am, but you still shouldn’t leave your kids at the store…and you DID leave “Thing 1” there

Grace:  OMG Thing 2, What the hell are you talking about?!?!? 

Einstein wants to hear when I left HIS daughter at the store

Thing 2:  You went shopping with Thing 1 and left her there.

More harassing about my parenting skills from Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend.  ( please remember that both of my girls are in their 20s now and were NOT abused as children)

Grace:  Ok, quit picking on me.  I HAVE NEVER LEFT MY CHILDREN IN A STORE!….

Thing 2:  Yes mom you did.  You WENT to the store WITH Thing 1, finished your shopping and got it the car to go home.  While you were driving, Thing 1 called you and asked where you were.  You told her that you were just driving home from shopping at Walmart…. you completely forgot that you had taken her with you and you LEFT HER there.

Grace: Silence…followed by NO??????…. more silence….No fricking way!

Thing 2:  Do you want me to call Thing 1 to ask her?

Did I mention NO Fricking way in hell I forget that I had gone shopping with my kid, let alone EVER leave one of them at a store?!?!?  Einstein and Thing 2’s boyfriend started chanting …”Do it…Do it…Call thing 1 NOW!!!!

Grace:  Yes go ahead and call her.  SMH…..

Thing 2 dialed the phone and put Thing 1 on speaker….

Thing 1: Hello

Thing 2: Hi thing 1, do you remember when you went shopping with mom and she left you at the store?

Thing 1: Yeah, Why?

Grace: Seriously?!?!?!?  NO FUCKING WAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She said “Yeah, why?” like it’s something I did all the time.  Apparently, a couple years ago, we went to Walmart TOGETHER, got separated, and I didn’t think anything of it.  I finished my shopping and went home.  When I was halfway home she sent me a text saying “where are you” (meaning in the store) and I responded ” I just finished shopping at Walmart, and I’m on my way home”…..

Thing 1:  Um Mom, did you forget that I went to Walmart with you?

I am still shaking my head about this.  I honestly don’t remember the event at all, and I would think that it would be one of my bigger fuck ups.  The girls have no reason to lie though.  I guess I won’t be getting a mother of the year award anytime soon.  😦

Have any of you ever done something you can not possibly fathom you doing and don’t have recollection of? ( without influence of drugs or alcohol)  Please share your story with me!!!!!  Misery loves company….. I should add that later that same day Thing 1 sent me this meme….different mom

 

 

One Breath at a time

A couple hours ago, a familiar name popped up on my cell phone.  I debated about answering the phone because I had so many things I needed to do, and I knew I would get lost in conversation and end up not finishing what I was working on.  Oh what the hell, I would just pick up real quick and tell him that we had to catch up later because I was busy.

I answered the phone expecting my friend to say “Hello Doll”, (which is what he usually says to me in his super sexy southern drawl.) but instead I heard a sniffle, a cough, and a sharp intake of breath.  I questioned, “Ghost? (his nickname) Ghost are you ok?  What’s going on?”  Another sniffle, followed by, “No maam, this is his son, Levy.”…. OH FUCK!  My mind thought NO! NO! NO! NO!!  That’s about all I remember exactly.  Levy was calling to tell me that his daddy had a stroke a week ago.

It’s amazing that when you get news like that literally hundreds of thoughts, questions, memories hit you at once.  I had images of the first time we had met face to face running through my head.  (We met through an online game that we had played together for 4 years hence the nickname Ghost.  Mine was Milano, but my friend’s called me “Millie”.)  I remembered the first time I heard his voice in real life, the hours of game play which turned into an incredible friendship, and so on and so on.

Then there was a voice through the fog…. “Milano, Millie, Maam…are you  still there?”

“Oh shit, um yes yes I’m still here.”

More sniffles followed by, “Okay, maam, my daddy wanted me to let you know that he had a stroke a week ago, but he is doing ok, well he will be ok, I mean he is alive”…….

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………

Levy went on to try to explain that Ghost couldn’t talk… no not that he couldn’t talk, but that he couldn’t find the right words, or they just wouldn’t come out right.  The poor kid was having trouble explaining what was happening because he didn’t understand what was happening himself.  Hell I didn’t understand what was happening.  I could hear Ghost in the background trying to say my name.  Trying to help Levy explain, but he was getting angry that Millie kept coming out Molly, and he couldn’t make a sentence.

Somehow I was on the phone with Ghost, well kind of he was trying to talk, I was trying to understand, but then there were tears, so many tears…and they wouldn’t stop.  I tried to tell Ghost that I was here for him.  I would make the drive to Florida if his family needed me to.  I told him I loved him and and and…. Then I was on the phone with his son again.  I tried to tell him the same things I told Ghost.  If they needed help, I could and would be there.  There were just so many tears.  In hindsight, poor kid probably thought “Oh no, I can’t handle you too”.

When I hung up the phone, I tried to make the calls to our other mutual friends letting them know why they hadn’t heard from Ghost, and to let them know he would be okay.  The problem is, I didn’t know, …….I don’t know that he will be ok  and again so many tears.

When I reached the “Elder” of our little group, he tried to put me at ease by explaining that this was common when someone had a stroke.  It didn’t mean that he would permanently suffer, he reminded me that Ghost “IS A STUBBORN OLD COOT”….although he is only 55, he is pretty damn stubborn.  I listened and cried for the next hour.

I am absolutely exhausted emotionally and physically.  I am not going to jump in my car and make the 15 hour drive to Florida… yet.  I am not going to drink the whole case of beer sitting in my refrigerator. (although I had envisioned doing just that)  I am going to stop beating myself up that I didn’t call him last week when I saw the rocks that made me think of him.  I decided instead to come here, and to write this.

We have all heard the sayings or cliches that you should always tell the people you care about that you care about them.  You never know if there will be a tomorrow to tell someone.  Slow down and enjoy life etc etc etc.  Instead of just telling you those things, I am trying to tell you WHY I am telling you those things.  Please take a minute and give your parents a call, give your kids an extra hug?  Don’t be in such a hurry, and take today ONE BREATH AT A TIME.

The story with the Rocks is that over the years I have collected numerous things from people that have “touched me” or left a big impression.  I’m not materialistic, it’s more something to hold onto when you are missing them, or a reminder that they are there.  When I was at Ghost’s house, I asked if I could take these rocks from his patio that he designed.  They were extras, but they reminded me of his characteristics….strong, hardworking creative etc.  They are sitting on my deck as I haven’t figure out if I should add them to my rock garden, or my china cabinet with other things I have collected.  I saw them last week and thought I should send him a picture to let him know I still had those silly rocks….but I got too busy.  😦

 

 

Do you look like your pet?

As I laid my head on my “dog pillow” the other day, I noticed  that our hair consists of the same colors (blonde and black).  It made me recall  a meme, post, article, or video that I have seen that showed numerous pictures of dogs and their owners with very scary resemblances. I began to wonder if there were other similarities… while my mouth is always open like hers seems to be, ( I talk ALOT) I think I have a bit better control at keeping my tongue inside my mouth. Then again, I also think  people that know me in real life have plenty of pictures of me sticking my tongue out.  (Not sure if it counts that I stick my tongue out on purpose, I think my dogs tongue just hangs out.)  I don’t think my ears are nearly as big, or my nose for that matter, but we definitely have the matching hair color thing going on.  By the way, my GSD’s name is SNUFF.

My other dog is D.O.G. (not dog, but each letter individually, D.O.G).  I think she thinks her name is MOVE, GET OFF THE COUCH, and YOU’VE GOT TO BE FRICKING KIDDING ME, though.  She looks at me whenever I say those things so maybe, poor D.O.G.

dog soloActually there is nothing poor about D.O.G., she is spoiled rotten. She is allowed on my bed, she gets lifted into the car, she even sits in the front seat, and for being the smaller of the two (three if you count me) she is the ruler of the “bitches”.

cats

 

 

I will save the discussion of my three cats for another day, but Foxy, the white one, rules the whole house.  As usual I digress….

So about D.O.G…..

I have always been an animal lover, but the last dog I had was hit by a car, and killed while a friend was “petsitting”.  (That was almost 15 years ago.)  It took me seven years before I could bring myself to get another dog, and the initial reason I got her was for companionship when my MS put me in a wheelchair.  Over the years, we have become codependent.  I don’t like to sleep without her and she doesn’t like me leaving the house without her.  So I guess it works?

dog and mom
Isn’t she cute?

OMG am I ADHD!!!  The point is, do I look like D.O.G?  If you ever saw me “precoffee”  I am sure I do.

I love how her teeth are spaced like that!  And ok maybe we both have a face that only a mother could love 🙂

So that’s it!  That’s my life in a nutshell.  Beautiful children and animals, coffee and cigarettes, and lots of horrible prescriptions for a nasty monster of a disease.  MS really sucks!my life in a nutshell

When I was telling a friend about the do pets look like their owners meme, she says, “Oh yes, I can totally see you and snuff…..you even cock your head to the side like she does when someone is talking to you and you don’t understand”…..SMH FML and all that.

Thank you all for reading along.  One day I will actually get to the point of why I started this blog and talk about how to cope with MS, depression, ADHD, etc, but for now I am having so much fun meeting new people and those things just plain suck to think about.

Do you have any pets? Do you look like your pets? Do you know anyone who does?  Please feel free to share them to my facebook page if you do.  🙂