Better than I was yesterday

I overthink!…. it’s true.  I OVERTHINK about EVERYTHING ALL the time!!!  So much so that I get lost in my brain playing devil’s advocate, trying to make sure I am seeing all sides of a situation.  I was in a funk this morning and couldn’t shake it,  I didn’t even have a known reason.  Then I turned on the camera, and started talking to myself.  I did a “brain dump”.

After making this video, before actually uploading it, I called a very wise, honest new friend of mine and asked him to help me “get out of my head”.  I felt like he listened to me ramble without judgment, and then I listened to him.  He gives good advice! Lots of advice, but good advice.  Thank you for that “Superman”!!!!

Anyway the moral of all of this, is that I want to be a better person.  I’m not saying that I am a bad person, but I want to be better than I was yesterday.  Sometimes I really hate that I overthink everything, but maybe its the overthinking that will get me there?

What started all of this…. I belong to many Facebook groups for people dealing with Chronic Illness, more specifically Multiple Sclerosis.  Yesterday in one of the groups someone posted a picture of a “nasty note” that was left on their car, saying something to the effect of “you don’t look sick, why are you taking a spot that someone who is sick needs?”  The note was much more harsh than that, but I think you get my point?  Anyway, the person posted the picture of the note saying, “because people suck”.  I assume she was hurt and just wanted to vent, and was looking for support.  Ok I get it…kind of….  What I don’t get though is why of the 409 emoji’s and comments that followed on the thread, I was one of the few that simply replied, “I am sorry that happened to you”.  People started sharing their own stories about how much people suck and the cocky comments they respond to people with like, “Well maybe I don’t look sick, but you don’t look stupid!”  (no offense, but after saying that and “showing your ass” to me, you kind of do)  Why does one wrong make a right?  Someone said or did something to hurt you and it’s automatically ok to hurt them back?!?!??!  I don’t get it.  Why not be better than them?  Why not be stronger than them?

What really set me off about the thread of comments, was one woman talking about how her 9 year old “told off” someone that confronted her when she was questioned for parking in the handicap spot.  Seriously?!~?~!?  Why didn’t she pull her child aside and say, “Some people just don’t get it”?  Why didn’t she take this as a learning opportunity for her child to NOT Be judgmental and filled with hate?  Why did no one in this thread, suggest that to her?  I chose not to comment on the thread further because I realize that I will not “fix” everyone.  Honestly, I don’t have the time or energy for that.  But I also know that I don’t want to feed into that either.

In the 20 years that I have lived with MS, and however many years I have used a handicap parking placard, I have been confronted numerous times both verbally and in writing that I don’t LOOK disabled. Shrug…. Ok?  Do you feel better after saying that to me?  I literally just shrug and walk away.  Sometimes I TRY to smile first, sometimes I don’t.  Again….SHRUG.  Occasionally, I will attempt to educate someone that not all disabilities are visible, but most of the time I smh and walk away.

People wonder why their is so much hate and anger in the world, yet they feed into it themselves.  I know that I will be confronted again, I can not control that, but I can control how I react to it. I CAN BE A BETTER ME!!!!

Here is another link to the video of my “brain dump” if you would care to watch.

Thank you again to “superman” for letting me unload this morning!.  Treadmill time.  Busy Busy weekend here.  I hope everyone is able to stay warm this weekend 🙂