Teaching my phone to swear

~ msgracefulnot

Those of you that have ever talked to me on the phone, in person, gotten a text message from me etc, know that I have a “potty mouth”..  Not only do I frequently talk about “potty” and my bag of pee, but I just can’t seem to utter more than a few sentences without a cuss word or two popping out.  Popping, not pooping, although I do talk about pooping or not being able to alot also.

Last month, or the month before, I had to do a warranty trade on my smartphone, which in my opinion is Not very smart, although some would claim operator error. 😦

I have always struggled with the talk and type technology, because I speak quickly and do not enunciate.  This was proven when I asked my kids to “fix the damn phone” and they politely explained that I don’t enunciate when I speak.  To prove them wrong, I turned on the talk and type and said “ENUNCIATE”, the phone responded by typing E9C8!

SMDH AGAIN!

So now I have this ‘New’ smartphone AND I am cutting down on the number of cigarettes I smoke each day, in effort to quit on August 15, 2018, so needless to say I have been swearing a bit more lately.

After talking out a message that contained some “cuss words”, I forgot to turn off the talk and type feature on my phone before I said,

“It’s not duck, the word is fuck.  I really don’t understand your objection to ass, and on that note what the hell is wrong with shit or even hell?  It’s not like I used all the words in one sentence”

My phone typed….

” It’s not duck, the word is duck.  I really don’t understand your objection to ASK, and on that note what the he’ll is wrong with fit or even ****?

Immediately after reading that I said, “Bastard”, which for the record translated into “Last Turd”.

So I have decided to teach my phone to swear.  I have been correcting THEN saving each of the words that it misspells or ***** out.  So far I have added

piece of shit

fuck

shit

damn

hell

I cant say the C word, but it would probably come out as CANT anyway.

This morning I said, “I am coffeeing” which I know is technically not a word (its a way of life).  The phone typed doddering…which I left because I probably was.

Can you think of anything that I am missing?  When the day comes that I am finally ready to tell that ONE person that got on my last nerve off, I want to be prepared.

 

Published by msgracefulnot

So hard when someone says tell me about yourself...what do you want to know?

25 thoughts on “Teaching my phone to swear”

  1. Why am I not at all surprised you are teaching you phone how to cuss? I think that is fantastic and the damn phone needs to listen to whatever the hell you say:)!! I swear I could be having the worst day and feeling like shit, but your posts always make me smile! Good luck with the phone learning the cuss like you!!

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  4. In studies people who are allowed to swear are better able to endure pain so the power of swearing should be respected.
    What I really want though is for our phone assistants—I have an iPhone so it’s Siri—to swear so we can have exchanges like this:
    Me: What’s the temperature?
    Siri: Holy shit, it’s cold as a witch’s tit in a brass brassiere out there!
    Me: What’s the traffic like?
    Siri: A total clusterfuck. You should have left an hour ago, dickweed.

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      1. Can I write code? Are you kidding? I can write a letter, write on, write off, write a wrong, do the write thing, turn write, and write my name in the snow. I’m an English major. Of course I CAN’T write code.

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  5. So, wait a minute, you can use the seven deadly words in your blog, and even allude to cant, but my comments still have to await moderation? Maybe Tom itself is a four-letter word. 😏

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