It seems like this entire year I have been really struggling with death or maybe fear of death? I’m not really sure. The strange thing is I’m not talking about my death. I’m actually not even a little afraid of that. (This is not to say I’m not afraid of pain, because I am) I’m just not worried about dying. So what is this obsession I am having?!?!!?!?
Earlier this month I wrote about parenting my parents. In the last few months, I’ve taken over medical power of attorney’s for them both. We are in the process of doing financial poa’s as well. I’m sure that is part of it. Yesterday, I was at my parents helping my dad move these incredibly heavy logs onto his wood- splitter. Out of nowhere I yell, “I’m not ready to lose you!!!!”, and began bawling!!!!!! (I’m surprised my outburst didn’t cause him to have a heart attack.)
He stopped working and immediately put his arms around me. I don’t even know how long we stood there while I just cried. Eventually, I wiped the frozen snot and tears off my face and said, “Ok I’m ready to get back to work.” and we did.